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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

I know it's the day after Christmas, but I wanted to wish you all the merriest and happiest of holidays this year. Even if I don't post, I still read blogs and try to keep up with you all. Over the years, many of you have become like dear friends. Your support has meant so much to me, really.

I miss blogging sometimes. But, as I've said before, I would like to change the focus of my blog from weight-loss to something else, but I can't quite figure out what. I've lost 45 pounds since September and plan to continue losing until I get to a weight that feels right. My energy has improved and I feel like doing things again, for a change. So, for 2012, I'm hoping to get busy doing the things I've been wanting to do for years but allowed my weight to hold me back.

Anyway, I hope your holidays are good ones and that the new year brings you more love and happiness than you ever expected!

Checking In

I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last post. I've been reading blogs, but haven't felt inspired to write a word on my own. I'm focused right now on really, seriously losing weight and sometimes when I talk about it, I trip myself up. That may sound strange, but I think I get over-confident and that leads to thinking that I can slack off and give myself carte blanche, then I get off my plan and can't find my way back.

My plan is working for me and I've lost a good amount of weight, so far. I'm feeling good and I think that has to do with the fact that much of what I'm eating is gluten free. If you haven't tried a gluten-less diet, do as Anne suggests and just give it a try. I know what you're thinking, you can't imagine ever giving up the stuff you love. But if it improves your health, you can always find something else that you love just as much. Really, you can live without whole grain bread if it means feeling great :-)

Things have been rocking along here in my corner of the world. Work has been stressful again because the co-worker that out for two months in April and May has been out for two weeks with some mysterious "low blood oxygen" with no known cause and I've had to do her job again. This is beginning to be a real pain in the arse. The invalid dog, still lives on. When we take him out we have to use a harness on his front part and a lift strap on his hind legs. It makes for kind of an awkward way to walk a dog, but it works. The other day I was bringing him back in and tripped over the dog bed which sent him flying and I landed on the hairy dog bed! Yuk! After making sure the dog was alive, I laughed so hard I could hardly pick myself up off the bed.

Got a new toy to try and help motivate myself to move more. BodyMedia FIT had a special running for one of their armbands and I just couldn't pass it up. I wore for a week to see how active I am on a daily basis and it was pretty interesting to see how many steps I take and calories I burn. When I get to exercising regularly, I think this will help me see if I need to step it up. The only complaint I have with it is, the part that touches your skin is metal and I'm very allergic to some metals. My arm got a little red and warm while wearing the first few days but I moved it every few hours and that seemed to help. Oh, and of course right after I buy mine at the huge discount, they come out with a new model that's smaller and lighter. Oh well, I am a technology geek and this is helping me see what areas need work. Like sleep, I need more of it.

We're having fall-like weather today. Well, at least this morning it's cool with a little breeze blowing and the sun shining. A welcome break from the hot weather we've had for months. I think a bike ride is just what I need today.

Have an awesome week!

Loving it

I made it through my third day of Medifast and I feel pretty good. I was really hungry the first day but drank lots of water to fill in the gaps. Yesterday and today I've been mildly hungry and forgot to eat one of the meals *gasp* Imagine, me missing a meal, haha.

Anyway, today I went out for dinner and had grilled chicken and some spinach. I was a little nervous about going out so soon after starting my new plan, but I was in control and made good choices. It was nice having a 3-day weekend to have a chance to eat on plan at home for a few days before doing this at work. There are several people at work doing Medifast (MF) and they keep a single serving blender at work. I bought a Magic Bullet yesterday and think I will take it tomorrow. I made the soft serve tonight with it and it was awesome.

It's a three day week for me at work this week as I have to go out of town Friday and return Saturday night. I will take my MF meals with me and make good choices when I'm faced with eating out. I'm determined to make this work - no matter what.

We had a touch of fall in the air today. Yay! Well, let's just say it was cooler than it has been in months.

Have a great week. Make good choices! Oh, and don't forget to drink your water!

Motivation

I haven't been blogging much because I haven't felt very successful at my diet. I know that dieting isn't the "be all, end all" but when you are very overweight, it kinda occupies your every thought. At least, it occupies my every thought. I'm so tired of losing a few pounds only to gain them right back. Thinking about what to eat, what not to eat just makes me want to eat. I don't want to give up and I won't give up, but it's time to try something different. So, I ordered Medifast and started yesterday!

I'm really excited about the simplicity of it. I just choose which five (yes, five) of their meals I want to have for the day and then I have a "Lean & Green" meal once a day. I'm mostly having shakes and bars but they also have these awesome Parmesan Puffs that I love. I have been reading the boards over at the Medifast website and checking out what works and what doesn't. So far, I'm very encouraged that I've made the right choice for right now. I once thought that doing a weightloss program like this was too unrealistic, but I'm desperate to lose this weight and aside from weightloss surgery (which worked for Janell), this looks to be doable.

I'm still working on setting some goals. One I know for sure is kayaking some time next year. And blogging more. I know it helps me to stay accountable.

Take care. Have a safe and happy Labor Day.

Closed and Protected

That's how I've been living my life these days. It's safer. There is no risk of rejection. No chance of being hurt. It's a lonely place to be.

I've spent a lot of time trying to lose weight. I know all about dieting. I know what foods to eat, what foods to avoid. I know that exercise is key. But even when I lose a few pounds, I still feel like I'm in the "swampland of the soul." That's a phrase from The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW. I just got my copy and can't wait to get into it. I'm hoping to learn how live a wholehearted life. 


It's time to stop trying to be everything to everyone. I need to stop looking for acceptance from others. I'm tired of trying to change myself to "fit in." I want to be enough and believe it. This may be a long journey, but I feel like it's going to be worth it.


Photo: taken in Venice a few years ago

Veg'd out

I've been veg'd out on my vacation. It could also classify as lazy, but that has such a negative tone to it that I prefer to say I'm veg'd out. It's hotter than blue blazes here in Houston and sweating seems to be all there is to do. Not really, I could find something to do I guess, but lying around, reading, and watching movies seems to be high on my list these days. I was so stressed the last part of the school year that I think I'm still putting myself back together.

I got a new dvd, Heavyweight Yoga 2: Change the Image of Yoga. I've watched some of it to see if it's something I really can do. And just from watching a little of it, I felt more relaxed and calm. The people that are doing yoga on this dvd are all sizes, ages, and abilities. I tried going to a yoga class at the Y last year and felt like an elephant compared to all the tiny (and very young) people in the class. Needless to say, I could hardly do any of the poses and the instructor wasn't very interested in helping me. So, I told myself "when I'm thinner, I'll do yoga." Well, this dvd shows me that I can do yoga with the body I have now!

For so many years, I've told myself that "when I'm thinner" phrase. Honestly, I'm tired of waiting. My life is surely passing me by and I am sick and tired of not having a life. I am making a plan of attack to get back on track to losing. Low carb is my plan of choice, but I am going to try The Belly Fat Cure for a few weeks. This plan is very restrictive on sugar and carbs but giving up all carbs in the past has proven too restrictive for me.

I'm working on posting some goals, too. I think that is something I need to help me stay committed.

Anyway, hope you are keeping cool and hydrated!

ps  Here is a video of Abby Lentz showing how to sprinkle some yoga into your day even if you are in a hotel.

Wallow, then move on.

I haven't had a lot to say these days, and so I haven't posted in awhile. Well, I take that back, I have had things to say, but much of it might come off as whining.  Now that I've taken some time to wallow in it, I think I can move on.

A few weeks ago I discovered that sitting in an ill fitting chair can really screw up your back. I worked with summer school at the beginning of summer so I wasn't in my office and instead of taking my own chair to sit in, I sat in what was available. Bad idea. At least it was a bad idea for someone like me who has a bad back and I'm over 50. The chair threw something out of whack and for a couple of weeks I walked like a crooked old man. I noticed after the first day of sitting in the "other" chair that I was feeling some stiffness, but me being the mule-headed idiot stubborn person that I am, was determined to ignore that this could lead to a total back blowout. So, after a week of denial, I stayed home for two days in severe pain.

Then, my son needed to go out of town and asked me to care for his dog. What timing, huh? This dog is old and pretty much an invalid. He can't walk on his own anymore. We have to use a lift harness on his back end and lift him off the bed to take him outside to go potty. Thankfully, he has control over his bowel and bladder as long as we take him out regularly. He weighs about 30 lbs which doesn't seem like much, but he can't sit up on his own and just feels so heavy. He is a wonderful, sweet old dog. We've had him for about 14 years and he's still there, if you know what I mean. We've had the talk about putting him down, but it's so hard when he looks up  in recognition and wags his tail. Some days I think we need to do it for him, but usually it feels like we need to do it for us. I hate facing this kind of thing.

I haven't been taking care of myself lately. I've been eating too much sugar and exercise is just a random thought that crosses my mind occasionally. My body is paying me back, too. I feel like an old woman riddled with aches and pains and lethargy. This year I haven't felt in control of my life and it's showing up in how I treat myself. I've been scanning the internet looking for some nugget of wisdom to help me turn this boat around and I read this article. It has helped me realize this:

"Self discipline is doing something even if you hate it or don’t feel like doing it. Doing something because you enjoy doing it is NOT discipline. " 

I'm on vacation this week and I'm reading, relaxing and talking myself into taking back control of my life. Not much of a vacation for most, but it's low-key and that's what I need for right now.

I know I haven't been very active in blogging lately, but I hope I still have a few blogging friends out there. It makes such a difference for me when we connect.

It was a marvelous night...

For a moondance. A brilliant night for a lunar eclipse. Even if we couldn't see it from where we are this year!

It's Over

School is over, that is. I'm done doing my co-workers job. I'm just hoping she comes back this fall and is ready to go. While I enjoyed getting to know the students a little better this year, I am looking forward to only doing my job.

We ended the school year with a dinner at the Downtown Aquarium. It was nice to get together with faculty and staff and their families in a different atmosphere. Everyone was relaxed and enjoyed themselves. I snapped this photo while riding the ferris wheel. Since it was right at sunset, the view was just beautiful.

I've been gone so long, I doubt that I have any readers out there. I've missed reading blogs and blogging. I hope to get back in the swing of things now that summer is here and our hours are shorter. I've missed the daily contact with all my bloggie friends.

Food has been steadily getting back to pure low-carb. I haven't been out on the bike in months and I really do need want to get back to some regular riding. I'm thinking of signing up to do the Tour de Pink (again) on September 18th. The only hitch is I may be in Dallas that weekend for a planning meeting.

Have a great weekend and take care.