Wallow, then move on.

I haven't had a lot to say these days, and so I haven't posted in awhile. Well, I take that back, I have had things to say, but much of it might come off as whining.  Now that I've taken some time to wallow in it, I think I can move on.

A few weeks ago I discovered that sitting in an ill fitting chair can really screw up your back. I worked with summer school at the beginning of summer so I wasn't in my office and instead of taking my own chair to sit in, I sat in what was available. Bad idea. At least it was a bad idea for someone like me who has a bad back and I'm over 50. The chair threw something out of whack and for a couple of weeks I walked like a crooked old man. I noticed after the first day of sitting in the "other" chair that I was feeling some stiffness, but me being the mule-headed idiot stubborn person that I am, was determined to ignore that this could lead to a total back blowout. So, after a week of denial, I stayed home for two days in severe pain.

Then, my son needed to go out of town and asked me to care for his dog. What timing, huh? This dog is old and pretty much an invalid. He can't walk on his own anymore. We have to use a lift harness on his back end and lift him off the bed to take him outside to go potty. Thankfully, he has control over his bowel and bladder as long as we take him out regularly. He weighs about 30 lbs which doesn't seem like much, but he can't sit up on his own and just feels so heavy. He is a wonderful, sweet old dog. We've had him for about 14 years and he's still there, if you know what I mean. We've had the talk about putting him down, but it's so hard when he looks up  in recognition and wags his tail. Some days I think we need to do it for him, but usually it feels like we need to do it for us. I hate facing this kind of thing.

I haven't been taking care of myself lately. I've been eating too much sugar and exercise is just a random thought that crosses my mind occasionally. My body is paying me back, too. I feel like an old woman riddled with aches and pains and lethargy. This year I haven't felt in control of my life and it's showing up in how I treat myself. I've been scanning the internet looking for some nugget of wisdom to help me turn this boat around and I read this article. It has helped me realize this:

"Self discipline is doing something even if you hate it or don’t feel like doing it. Doing something because you enjoy doing it is NOT discipline. " 

I'm on vacation this week and I'm reading, relaxing and talking myself into taking back control of my life. Not much of a vacation for most, but it's low-key and that's what I need for right now.

I know I haven't been very active in blogging lately, but I hope I still have a few blogging friends out there. It makes such a difference for me when we connect.