Thursday, August 4, 2011

Closed and Protected

That's how I've been living my life these days. It's safer. There is no risk of rejection. No chance of being hurt. It's a lonely place to be.

I've spent a lot of time trying to lose weight. I know all about dieting. I know what foods to eat, what foods to avoid. I know that exercise is key. But even when I lose a few pounds, I still feel like I'm in the "swampland of the soul." That's a phrase from The Gifts of Imperfection by BrenĂ© Brown, Ph.D., LMSW. I just got my copy and can't wait to get into it. I'm hoping to learn how live a wholehearted life. 

It's time to stop trying to be everything to everyone. I need to stop looking for acceptance from others. I'm tired of trying to change myself to "fit in." I want to be enough and believe it. This may be a long journey, but I feel like it's going to be worth it.

Photo: taken in Venice a few years ago

Monday, August 1, 2011

Veg'd out

I've been veg'd out on my vacation. It could also classify as lazy, but that has such a negative tone to it that I prefer to say I'm veg'd out. It's hotter than blue blazes here in Houston and sweating seems to be all there is to do. Not really, I could find something to do I guess, but lying around, reading, and watching movies seems to be high on my list these days. I was so stressed the last part of the school year that I think I'm still putting myself back together.

I got a new dvd, Heavyweight Yoga 2: Change the Image of Yoga. I've watched some of it to see if it's something I really can do. And just from watching a little of it, I felt more relaxed and calm. The people that are doing yoga on this dvd are all sizes, ages, and abilities. I tried going to a yoga class at the Y last year and felt like an elephant compared to all the tiny (and very young) people in the class. Needless to say, I could hardly do any of the poses and the instructor wasn't very interested in helping me. So, I told myself "when I'm thinner, I'll do yoga." Well, this dvd shows me that I can do yoga with the body I have now!

For so many years, I've told myself that "when I'm thinner" phrase. Honestly, I'm tired of waiting. My life is surely passing me by and I am sick and tired of not having a life. I am making a plan of attack to get back on track to losing. Low carb is my plan of choice, but I am going to try The Belly Fat Cure for a few weeks. This plan is very restrictive on sugar and carbs but giving up all carbs in the past has proven too restrictive for me.

I'm working on posting some goals, too. I think that is something I need to help me stay committed.

Anyway, hope you are keeping cool and hydrated!

ps  Here is a video of Abby Lentz showing how to sprinkle some yoga into your day even if you are in a hotel.