Still Learning

I haven't handled things well lately. I've been maintaing a ten pound gain as a result of eating chips and sugary foods that I know are not good for me. I feel like I've been slipping back into that mode of  "oh well, I can lose this in no time" which is so not how I wanted to behave during maintenance. I lost all this weight and I don't want to lose it again. I'm at my scream weight and I have just ignored it. My emotions have taken over and I have got to reel them in and get a grip. I've worked too hard to let things that are out of my control get the better of me.

My son was here from Chin@ for his break (2 months) and we had a wonderful time. We spent some good times together, talking about his future. He is planning to teach in Chin@ for another year and then maybe teach somewhere else. He is pretty certain he will be engaged soon, and while I'm extremely happy for him, I'm also extremely sad. I have been trying to convince myself that I AM happy about him being on the other side of the world for months and months, but deep down I don't think I like it. Not for so long a time. I would never tell him that, of course. He sold his car while he was here and that really hit home that he will be gone for a long time. And as much I love to travel, I just can't afford to do it as often as I would like which is a total bummer.

I have started knitting again. I taught myself to knit after nine eleven to help calm my nerves. And I know that my son being out of the country for awhile is not cause for alarm, it still makes me feel anxious and sad. It came to me yesterday that those are the feelings I've been stuffing, so to speak. Maybe talking about it here will help me see that "stuffing" myself will not help me feel better. In fact, it has made me feel worse.

I will be doing very low-carb until I get back down from my scream weight. I have learned something from all this and that is that I have to keep practicing at maintenance. And that maintenance doesn't just involve food. It involves my emotions and how I deal with them. Having been an emotional eater, I still need to learn how to deal with things without turning to food.

By the way, thank you to all who have left such nice comments! I appreciate it!