Feel free to feed the fish!

I know, this has nothing to do with my diet but lately I've been needing a diversion. I found these cute little fish on someones blog and just had to have them. They will follow your mouse around and if you want to feed them, just click anywhere in the "tank" and you will see little bits of food. They swim over and eat it up. It doesn't take much to get me excited, can you tell?!

Anyway, back to the diet. What diet?!! I have so not been on any kind of healthy plan. I don't know what my problem is. I think I'm just bored with all this thinking about food and what to eat and what not to eat. I wonder what thin people do with their time since food is not an issue usually for them day in and day out. It just gets boring.

Of course, I'm not giving up. I can't or I would balloon up so fast it would make your head swim. I think I just needed to regroup and figure out a better way approach losing more weight.

Why Can't I Eat Just One???

Last week I decided to move on to Ph. 2 of South Beach because I was craving carbs like crazy. When I went shopping I bought some cookies from Kashi. They looked so healthy and yummy. That should have been a big warning sign for me, right there. But I bought them anyway.

I got them home and had one with a cup of coffee. No problem, I thought. I've got this thing licked. I am behaving like a normal "on my way to thin" person. So confident that I could have these cookies, in my house, and not feel compelled to scarf them down uncontrollably.

Well, last night, I got the package down from the shelf and proceeded to scarf down 4 cookies likety-split. They are 130 cals each and I don't even want to think about how many carbs. They were sooooo good. But after the 4th cookie I realized the first one tasted the best. So why did I have to eat 4!!! I feel like some kind of addict. I wish I did not have to eat at all.

I am going back on Ph. 1 and try again. I do think some of this is pms cravings but I am really sick of using that excuse, too. Maybe I just need to give up breads and grains for life. I just can't seem to control myself when they are in my house.

What's that saying about "man can not live on bread alone?" Not true, I could live on bread alone. But for me the saying needs to be "woman will live by leaving bread alone!!"

Talking to Myself

Last week I had a talk with myself. I asked myself what do I really want these days and my answer did not surprise me. I want to be healthier and thinner! Duh! So, why then do I continue to eat like a person who does not care? I know what choices to make but I get lazy and start eating things that are not of the healthy variety.

I lost 3 lbs last week! Woo! Hoo! I don't know whether I should count them or not since I lost those 3 lbs a few weeks ago. Yes, I gained some over the past few weeks. That is what happens when you throw caution to the wind and binge on crap. So now I'm making up for my mistakes. But I am learning that I feel better when I am not eating junk so I guess as long as I'm learning, all is not lost. And I realized that the stuff I was pigging out on really did not satisfy me. I don't know what I expected it to do for me. I didn't feel guilty about it, I just didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would.

Thin really does feel good. I know, I've been thin before. Now I just wish I could wake up and be just that, thin. It was easy to gain the weight but it sure is hard to lose it. But I can do it! I just need to keep telling myself that!

HYC and My Own Personal Challenge

I got on the scale today and as I expected, no loss. But I can't say I'm surprised. If your efforts are half-a**ed, then you can't bitch about no weight loss, right?

Sooo, I'm taking a new approach to my diet. I've been doing Phase 1 of South Beach and my craving of whole grains has gotten the best of me. To much munching. I am going on to Phase 2 and giving myself a challenge: "30 pounds by Thanksgiving." That works out to about 2 lbs a week and I think I can do that if I ride my bike 3 to 5 times a week. I rode today and even though my bum was numb after 20 minutes, I hung in for 40 minutes.

I have at least 100 lbs to lose so 30 will put a good size dent in my over all goal. I am so glad to know so many of you that are out there fighting the same battles...and winning!

Starbucksophobia

I love coffee. I didn't used to be a coffee drinker but a few years ago I got hooked on the stuff. Now I want it all the time. I usually drink 2 cups in the morning and 2 cups of decaf in the afternoon. I like it with Splenda and low-fat creamer. I've tried to quit the habit but it's no use, I really like coffee.

Saturday morning I was on my way to my mom's house and decided to stop in a Starbucks instead of make coffee at home. I rarely ever go to Starbucks because it's so pricey but today I decided to treat myself. I stood before the big menu board and had no idea what to order. The guy in line ahead of me ordered a grande "red-eye." That sounded interesting but I didn't see it anywhere on the board. So many milks, so many flavors, so many kinds of this and that. When the girl, excuse me, barista, asked me what I wanted, I suddenly felt like I was on stage and couldn't remember my lines. What did I want? I felt so intimidated. There were people behind me, waiting...so I just said, "grande regular coffee, please."

Whaaa! I know! Chance for a treat and what do I do? Order "plain" coffee. I think I definitely have a phobia for ordering at Starbucks. I looked up the list of phobias but I didn't see one for that. I wonder how I could get my phobia listed in the medical journals?!

Anyhoo, my coffee was delish and my heart rate returned to normal after adding half-n-half and Splenda. I asked the guy that ordered the "red-eye" what it was - it is a shot of espresso in regular coffee! Hmmm, next time?

Tomorrow we go back to regular working hours at my job (8am to 4pm) - boo! hoo! It has been so nice working from 9 to 3. We only get shorter hours during the summer. I work at a private high school so we are gearing up for the kids to return. I don't teach but I work with the students sometimes.

Stormy Weather

Rain!!! I love it. I really do. Especially when I get to stay home and not drive in it. We were under threat of a Tropical Storm, named Edouard (please, can we just use numbers?!). The outcome of this storm has mostly been rain and some auto accidents from crazy folks thinking they can still go fast on slick roads. People, be careful!! Anyway, my place of employment decided to give us the day off in case the storm became a hurricane. So now I'm at home enjoying the cooler, although wetter, day.

This is supposed to be the HYC weigh-in day for me but I have not been eating right lately so I think I will skip the scale today. I need to remind myself why I am choosing to eat right. Why can't I make the right choices day after day. Why do I feel the need to eat crap? What does that say about what I think of myself. I think I like myself. I mean I don't get up every morning and beat myself up (verbally). Do I want to lose weight, or what?!! Yes!!! I really do but sometimes it seems like I'm on a big teeter-totter. One day I'm up and the next day I'm down. I have been doing that thing again where if no one else knows I'm eating it, then it does not matter. Well, it does matter and I just need to get a grip.

Getting to Know You...(humming the tune)

I have not ever done one of these surveys but today I decided to do this one. I like the questions and it is fun to focus on happy thoughts! Thanks, Katschi, for posting this on your blog.

What time did you get up this morning? 7:00 am
Diamonds or pearls ? pearls
What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I can’t even remember it’s been so long. I usually rent movies.
What is your favorite TV show? Medium, Saving Grace, The Office, Biggest Loser, Wipeout, Mad Men
What do you usually have for breakfast? eggbeaters omelet
What is your middle name? Renée
What food do you dislike? Liver
What is your favorite CD at the moment? Sheryl Crow
What kind of car do you drive? Honda CRV
Favorite sandwich? Falafel
What characteristic do you despise? pettiness, lying
Favorite item of clothing? When I’m thinner I want it to be a little black dress, literally
If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Greece
Where would you retire to? Vermont
What was your most recent memorable birthday? They are all good memories, I love birthdays!
Furthest place you are sending this? the stratosphere
Person you expect to send it back first? fellow bloggers
When is your birthday? January 15th
Morning person or a night person? Night person
What is your shoe size? 8 or 9 depending on whether it is open toe or closed toe, I have a long big toe!
Pets? 2 cats, 2 dogs
Any exciting news you’d like to share with us? Nothing exciting right now.
What did you want to be when you were little? A dancer. I never got to take any dance lessons, though.
How are you today? Great. Motivated to stick to my eating plan.
What is your favorite flower? Hydrangea
What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to seeing? Retirement
What are you listening to right now? Nothing except the air blowing from the a/c vent. I’m at work :(
What was the last thing you ate? boiled eggs
Do you wish on stars? Yes! And b-day cake candles!
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? turquoise
How is the weather right now? Very hot and steamy!
Last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom
Favorite soft drink? I don’t drink sodas much but I like a diet orange soda sometimes.
Favorite restaurant? Mexican
Favorite color? Green, all shades of it.
What was your favorite toy as a child? swing set, Chatty Cathy, bike
Summer or winter? winter
Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate
Coffee or tea? coffee
Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes, of course!
When was the last time you cried? watching the news
What is under your bed? under bed storage boxes, dust, dog toys
What did you do last night? watched tv, cooked dinner, played with the dogs, read a diet memoir, and dreamed of me being thinner!
What are you afraid of? Not being able to physically do the things I want to do like hike and kayak.
Salty or sweet? sweet first, then salty, then sweet…
How many keys on your key ring? 3
How many years at your current job? 8 years
Favorite day of the week? I’d like to copy Katschi and say “any day I’m not at work”!!
Do you make friends easily? I like people but I’ve had trouble trusting some. I think I make a good friend and would like to have a best friend. Have not had one of those lately.
How many people will you send this to? I will put it on my blog but I will probably not send it to anyone in particular.
How many will respond? I hope a few, this is interesting!

If anyone else wants to participate, please do!