Monday, January 17, 2011

Feeling Empty (nested)

You know you're getting older when your birthday comes and goes and it feels like just another day. My son (who recently moved out) didn't remember to ask for Saturday off so he wasn't able to come by. I know he's young (26) and that he's busy with multiple jobs and school, but I have to say my feelings were a little hurt.

I sulked a bit this weekend then realized it might actually be my fault that he didn't think it was important to me that he be here on my birthday. I tend to act like it's "no big deal" and that we don't really need to make a fuss over it. And while I don't want it to be some big organized shindig, I do want to see his happy little face as often as possible. I'm taking a tip from Roxie and realizing that in this life we sometimes need to ask for what we want. If I wanted to make sure he was a part of my birthday celebration, I should have told him "plan on being there." To me, it goes without saying that if it's your mom's birthday - be there. But in this new day of texting and having too much on your plate, scheduling is important. So next year I will be letting him know - in advance - what my birthday plans are and that he's part of them.

So, I had a good cry and now I'm okay (sort of). But this separation from my one and only has affected me more than I expected. Being a mom has been my one true thing joy. For me, 2011 is about living life and finding new joy. I just didn't think there would be crying involved so early in the year.


  1. Belated happy birthday, Tena! I'm sorry I missed your birthday too.

    I used to get upset when people (especially "my" men) didn't remember a date that was important to me. I guess I thought if it was important to me, it should be important to everyone else. Now I realize that the important thing is how we are treated all the time. If your son treats you with love and respect in general, then that's better than just being treated nice on your birthday. (But you are right, next year, tell him you'd love to see him on your B-day so that he will remember.)

  2. Tena, I here you on this one. Sometimes I think we "no big deal" ourselves out of a lot of things. I know that I make things so easy on people at times that I set myself up to disappointed. But I didn't say "You know what, this hasn't always been a big deal to me, but for now, it is" and so I can't really complain when I'm doing what I've always done. I remember the exact moment when things shifted between Pebbles and me. I, too, cried lots of tears over it.

    Here's to a year of asking for what we want!

  3. Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I get tears in my eyes when I think of my babies leaving home. My time is coming.

    This is a good reminder for me too though. I have a mom with a birthday coming up and she's always said it's not a big deal. It is. And I'm going to make sure to be there for her.