- To weigh or not to weigh?
- Can I hang in for the very long, long journey to thinsville this time?
- Am I enjoying any of these lifestyle changes?
- Who will I be when I get there?
Honestly, this week I've stepped on the scale and first saw a loss, then saw a gain, then a loss. Well, that wasn't fun. NOT. And, I've been on my bike everyday and eaten well staying within my calorie limit with a good deficit at the end of each day. So what's the deal with that? I think my body is on strike. It's quite the rebel. My thyroid is already kaput, what else can go wrong?
And, the more I think about posting my loss (if I had a loss to post, that is) I kinda feel like I'm bragging. I don't want to wave my loss in the face of someone that didn't have a loss. Some of you (Karen) have thrown out your scale?! Geez, woman, I wish I could bring myself to do that! I'm so confused. I'm also terrified that I'm never going to lose all this weight.
It's just not happening fast enough for me. I've spent so much time in this full figured body (doncha like how I said that?) and I'm worried that I'll never get the thinner, healthier body that I keep dreaming about. I know what to do, and I'm doing it, but my patience is running dry like the summer we're having having in Texas.
I'm enjoying the healthier foods that I'm eating. I eat more fruit and veggies, which I like. I never had a soda problem so that's never been an issue for me. Of course, I do have my daily coffee habit to contend with but I'm working on that. And lately, maybe since it's so blasted hot, I've been wanting ice cream. So, Blue Bell has a great no sugar added low-fat vanilla that I dip into a few times a week. Still, it fits into my calories so I figure as long as I'm eating healthy stuff, no damage done.
I've lost weight many times before. All my adult life I've been "losing" weight. I lost weight each summer to wear a swimsuit. I lost weight so I could wear a size 8 wedding dress. I lost weight after I had my son so my husband would stop having an affair. That didn't work, obviously, and he's been out of the picture for 24 years. After my divorce I went into hiding and I've been there ever since.
Most of my weightloss in the past has been aimed at seeking acceptance. I don't feel that way this time. This is new territory for me and it's kinda freaking me out. It'll be a new me, not just in body size, but I hope in my attitude. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin - for me. I don't think I've ever felt that way.
See what happens when I don't have much to say for days?! Anyways, there's a new me taking shape. It's just taking longer than I'd hoped!