Blog Withdrawal

I am having serious blog withdrawal. Since I can no longer use the internet during working hours (not even on my lunch, which is mostly when I would get online), I can't seem to get around to blogging and reading blogs every day. This just sucks.

When I get home, I have to take the dogs out, go ride, of course, then watch a little TV and eat dinner, and before I know it, it's time to shower and hit the hay. I'm missing some good stuff in blogland, I just know it. I'll just have to work on watching less TV. Blogging means more to me these days and I miss you guys. Thank you, by the way, for the nice compliments and for the supportive comments about what happened at work last week. I felt the love and I know I shouldn't have used my computer at work for my own pleasure, lol. I forgot I'm just another working class stiff.

For some that wanted to know about the popcorn shop in San Antonio, it's Papa Dean's and they have the best popcorn around. Seriously. Check out their website. Check out their store if you live nearby. They are witty and have so much fun. I wish I could work there!

I want to say so much more but it's getting late. I got an award. Then there's the Livestrong thing for Friday. Oh, and some folks are headed for a hot 100 and I want a piece of that, too. I wonder if I could blog in my sleep? When I first started knitting, I wished I could knit in my sleep, lol.

More to come! But in the meantime, are you drinking your water?

Sunday Snapshots - on Monday

I went to San Antonio yesterday to visit family. It was a nice way to spend the day. This caught my eye in a popcorn shop. And the popcorn was mighty tastey!

And me, looking more like me.

Emotional Wreck

Warning:  This is not a feel-good post.

My Wordless Wednesday yesterday must have been an indication of how I'd feel by the end of the day.

Angry
Resentful
Hurt

I give much and ask for little. I never say no and accept that as a fault.
Why do I have to be made to feel afraid?
Afraid that my security is in question.
I do my job. Why isn't that good enough.

I feel alone and yet want to be alone.
I think I've said enough and still there's more to say.

There will be no more enjoyment at work thanks to the authoritarian boss. No more checking my email and reading the happy thoughts of others at lunch or during breaks. Apparently, I've done a bad, bad thing. I've multi-tasked and been creative and efficient, and that is not allowed. Never mind that I don't chit-chat and waste time gossiping with the secretarial sludge.

I hate my job today, and I've hated it all my life. Don't make the mistake of making a career out of a job you hate, even if you're good at it.

Wordless Wednesday

Just ask Cinderella

Shoes make the outfit, right. Cinderella knew that when her Fairy-Godmother handed her those glass slippers. Who knew that those shoes would open up a whole new life for her?! Well, where is my Fairy-Godmother? I need some new shoes.

Since I've lost some weight, my interest in fashion has awakened. I want to wear dresses and cute things and put on my jewelry.  I've gone so many years wearing clothes that helped me blend in to the nothingingness that I felt about myself. Now that I'm more accepting of what I see and am becoming, I want to dress like it. So last week I bought a dress that I thought I couldn't live without. It's in my colors, browns and reds and oranges, and it's dressy or casual, depending on shoes and accessories. I love it and can't wait to wear it. The problem is that I have no shoes to wear with it.

Back in the day, I wore only heels. From 2 to 4 inch, stacked, wedged, and stilletto. I loved wearing them. They made my legs look good and they made me feel sexy. They went with everything, too. But when I started putting on weight, the heels had to go. At 140 lbs, heels are great, at 280+, heels are a death sentence. Seriously, you can hurt yourself in heels if you're a hefty girl. I'm not ready for stilletto's yet (and may not ever wear them again, but we'll see) but something that resembles a heel will be a nice change.

Besides height of the heel, another issue I have with shoes is getting them to fit. My feet are as sensitive as the Princess in the story of the Princess and the Pea. If one little part of my foot gets rubbed too much or gets touched in the wrong spot, there are blisters, redness, and pain beyond belief. And my big toes don't like confinement. They like wide open spaces and fresh air and when they don't get it, they let me know it. But for the sake of fashion, they are going to have to adapt, lol.

Sometime back in a blog post, I listed some things that I wanted to lose weight for and one of those things was to be able to wear sexy shoes. I don't think I'm ready for sexy shoes yet, but a little higher heel will do me for now. The sexy shoes will come later. Oh, yes. We will be having at least one pair of those!

So, I'm in the market for some cute shoes. I really like boots, and when the weather gets a little cooler, I will be shopping for some. My new dress will look great with boots! If you see a pair of shoes that you think might work for me, let me know. The shopping and trying on part is painful for me. I really do wish my Fairy-Godmother would just leave them on my doorstep.

Have a great week, and don't forget to drink your water.

Sunday Snapshots

These pictures were taken yesterday actually, so they're really Saturday Snapshots, but since I posted yesterday, I saved them for today :D

Sydney, after a romp in the yard.

This is a Spider Lily, it blooms every year at this time.

And the hummingbirds love this little bush.

And here I am, after the Tour de Pink ride on 9/13, looking a little too pink from the sun. The rain washed off all my sunscreen and I didn't think to put on more.

Have a great Sunday. Rest and relax, if you can :)

Cake Strategy

Yesterday, at work, some one had a birthday and of course, there was cake. These are the little things in life that used to really send me into a set-back. I'd eat the cake and then crave more cake. Then on the way home stop and get cake, take it home, and consume a huge hunk of it and proceed to eat more over the next few days until it was all gone. Needless to say, I would also just chuck the diet and eat whatever. So, cake at the office tends to create some hand wringing anxiety for me.

I went to sing happy birthday and was totally prepared to only accept a slice and then excuse myself and throw it away once back in my office (aka Plan A). Well, the cake was made by one of our co-workers who loves the cake challenge shows on the Food Network Channel. Have you seen any of those cakes? Hers was perfect. Perfectly round, 3 layers with butter creme frosting and decorated with a lovely hand-painted sunflower on top. Great. Now what, I asked myself.

Go to Plan B. Plan B is if the cake is homemade, try one bite and if it is really, really good, eat only half the piece (a small piece, btw) and only a tiny, tiny bit of the icing. Just enough icing to get a little taste. Do-able? I almost didn't trust myself with that cake. It looked like something out of Southern Living magazine, or Martha Stewart Living.

Plan B was a success. I first had a bite and determined it was worth the extra calories for the day. And I fully planned on riding my bike when I got home (which I did) and it was before lunch so I could make clean choices for a light-on-the-carbs meal.

And you know what? I was fine with that small amount of cake. I felt in control of what I was allowing myself eat. That is a first for me. I don't really know what's happening about how I view food these days, but I like it.

Food is good and I'll always enjoy it and look forward to eating yummy stuff, but it's not in control of me anymore. At least, for now, anyway. Since I have a lot more weight to lose, I still need to be careful about letting treats into my daily menu. That cake tasted incredibly good but even better was the feeling I had after eating it. I was done and ready to move on. Knowing that I could finish my day without jumping off into a pit of self-loathing, priceless.

This post seems to have a lot of I's in it. I (sorry) only hope that this helps you see your way to not allowing food to control you today. One day at a time, okay?

Take care and have a great weekend.

Tour de Pink - Fun, Fun, Wet, Fun!

The Tour de Pink bike ride was a blast! It started at 7am with the longer distance riders heading out first. I was in the 23 mile group so we got rolling at about 7:30am. There were a lot of riders! Some were on road bikes, some had their kids with them, some on tandems, some on cruisers. A good mix of people out for some exercise and a good cause. I LOVED it, and can't wait to do it again next year. I plan to do the 63 mile route next year, Woo Hoo!

For most of the ride the clouds were all around us but it only sprinkled a little. Then after 15 miles, a wall of rain came over us. It was hard to see as I made it to a pit stop where we all jumped off our bikes, huddled under a canopy to eat oranges and bananas and cookies. Clearly, it wasn't going to stop raining right away, so out we went. What's a little rain, right? It was hard to see and there was a lot of water on the road. Not my idea of great riding conditions but I kept plugging on. After about 2 miles, the rain came to a drizzle then stopped. The good thing about getting drenched was that my wet clothes kept me nice and cool. It did remind me of a wet t-shirt contest from my (much) younger days, lol.

I finished the ride by 9:30am. There were some nice rolling hills and several that made me have to shift a few times, but I got up them! Slow, but at least I didn't have to get off the bike and walk! That is a first for me!

In other news, I'm happy to report that the seatbelt on the plane to Dallas last week, had room to spare. I actually was able to tighten it and my butt didn't spill over into the next seat. Getting around the airport was a breeze, too. My legs and back didn't even hurt. That alone, is a major NSV!

The business end of the trip to Dallas was just that, business. Boring, but I got some good info about our upcoming event in April. So I will be back in Dallas then (hint, hint). And, after chatting with one of the people attending the meeting about my bike riding (which I don't usually do, btw, don't want to bore people, ya know) and what kind of bike I ride, she went right out to REI and bought an Electra Townie like my Nellie! Well, I think she got a woman's bike, but anyhoo. It is the best bike, especially if you need stability. She emailed me to tell me she was so happy I told her about the Electra. Yay!

And in other news, my mom had a car accident Monday afternoon. A lady made a U-turn into her and her car is pretty smashed up. Thankfully, everyone was okay and now it's just up to the insurance company as to who is at fault (both parties have the same insurance company). The policeman said he would just let the insurance folks figure it out. Thanks, that just means I'm spending hours on end on the phone. It will all be fine, one way or the other and in the scheme of things, I'm not going to get worked up over this. I'm just glad she's okay.

Thanks again for the support and encouragement you guys gave me for riding in the Tour de Pink. It meant more than you can ever know. What a wonderful supportive bunch you are.

Hope this wasn't too long, that's what happens when I wait too long between posts, lol. Take care and don't forget to drink your water.

"Lose for Good"

Just a quick note to mention an easy way to help others. Lose-A-Palooza is a one day social networking event happening today, Sept. 15th, to help raise awareness for the Lose for Good campaign. Weight Watchers is making donations for every mention of the Lose for Good campaign by twitter, facebook, or blogging. And even if you comment here on my blog, they make a donation!

Check it out, please visit www.LoseforGood.com and leave a comment. And leave a comment here on my blog. They count that, too. It's that easy! Is that cool or what? Lose weight and help fight hunger! Woo Hoo!

I've got more to tell ya, about the ride on Sunday, etc., so I'll be back later.

Fear of Flying - Not the Usual Reason

This Friday, I'm flying to big D (Dallas, for non-Texans) for a meeting on Saturday. Now, I'm not afraid of flying. Nope, not at all. In fact, I'd love to fly a plane someday. What I'm afraid of is not fitting in the seat. In particular, the seat belt. The last time I flew I crammed stuffed myself into it. I was mortified the time before that when I had to ask for an extension for the belt. I don't think I breathed much during the flight and I kept my arms crossed so I wouldn't rub up against the person sitting next to me. It was most uncomfortable.

Good grief. For someone who loves to travel, how could I let my mid-section become such a travel hazard. Being so heavy has kept me from doing so many things that I love and travel is one of them. Well, money is a factor, too, but sometimes it just comes down to my size. All the walking and sweating and carrying bags is hard on a fat girl, lol. Maybe this trip will be a little easier since I've lost some weight.

After the meeting on Saturday, I fly home and get some rest for the big ride on Sunday! Can't wait! I only hope that if it's going to rain like the weather reports keep hinting, that it waits until we're done. I'll ride in the rain though, if it's not lightening!

This month is a change in seasons for some. Not for us, so much, here in Texas but I feel a change coming. I like blogging about weight loss, but that's not all there is to me. Losing weight is changing more than just the physical. Everyday, I feel a little more confident and a little more sure of myself. I am a creative person but for years I haven't felt very creative. It's time for that to change.

We Have Liftoff!

Well, the mood has lifted. Thanks to all the love and support from you guys! I felt better with each comment I read. What an amazing bunch you ALL are. I think it was the moon!

I went for a ride yesterday when I got home. The weather has been really nice lately. Sorta on the fall-ish side. At least for the Houston area, it feels fall-ish. Lower humidity is a joy. Anyway, I was determined to ride like heck so I gave it my all. I rode for almost 11 miles and my average speed was 12.3 mph! That is an all time high for me! It wasn't even that hard to keep my speed up. My legs are getting much stronger and it feels great. And I must say, they're looking pretty athletic :D

Today is house cleaning day, whoopee! I do like a clean house, just wish I could blink and it would be done. Tomorrow my aunt, whom I haven't seen in at least 25 years will be coming over to visit. My mom is on a quest to see some of the family that we've been out of touch with for awhile. We used to be such a close family with all the relatives but when my grandparents died, it's like everyone just went their seperate ways. I think it will be nice to see her. I'm looking forward to it.

On another note, this morning my mom decided to change out some photos on the fridge. She put up a picture of me from Christmas a few years ago where I look like I have 4 chins and resemble the fat lady at the circus. In the picture I'm making scones (a tradition on Christmas morning) and I'm wearing a bright red shirt. It's hideous. She seemed to think I looked beautiful. Whaaaaat? I usually just let her have her way, but I told her I wanted her to take the picture off the fridge and burn it. That I felt like she was being cruel by putting it up there and saying I looked beautiful. She said she thought I was being mean. Maybe I did overreact but I sometimes feel like she "wants" me to lose this weight, but she also "doesn't want" me to lose this weight. She has started to make goodies again and some nights she makes things with breading and/or pasta. The very things she knows I'm trying to cut down on. I feel a sabotage in the works. But this time, it won't happen. This time I'm the boss of me. Thanks, Lee, for reminding me of that!

Hope you have a wonderful day! Thanks again for being such a loving group. I'm sending hugs to you all today! And don't forget to drink your water ;)

If I had a mood ring

I shudder to think what color it would be today. Black, I'm sure. There is a low-lying funk over my head today. I'm not breathing right and I keep making a fist with my thumb all squeezed tight.

Ever feel like someone else is calling all the shots? My diet seems to be the only thing in my life these days that I have full control over. Which is a good thing, but still I'm having this melancholic mood.

I walk by and get no response.

I don't want to feel anything sometimes. It's safer that way.

I'll regret posting this, tomorrow. Maybe it's a lack of carbs, lol.

It's Still a Girdle

I don't care what you call it these days, shapewear, assets, or spanx, it's still a girdle. Yes, these new names make it sound chic and sexy but they still squeeze the heck out of you. And when you aren't used to that, well, it's just down right uncomfortable.

Since I've lost a few pounds :D, I've been dressing a little differently. I haven't worn dresses in eons but lately I'm wanting to dress more girlie. So today I put on a dress that's been hanging in my closet for, ahem, a year or two. To help shape me a little better I put on one of those shapewear things, which is really a glorified girdle. Oh, yeah, it holds you in and smooths things out, but breathing?! That's a whole different function when your gut is being squeezed in two, lol. Anybody feel the same? I mean, I wore it to work and I swear it felt like my circulation was cut off. I kept hoping things would settle down, but as my anxiety grew, my ability to breathe was getting worse. I went to the ladies room and took that sucker off! So much for a smooth backside, at least for now. There's still too much of me, I guess, for the size shapewear I bought. Maybe I'll get a bigger size. And then, maybe not.

Yesterday was workout day. I'm having some fluid on my knee and I think it's from walking the track. So I rode the exercise bike (geez, I hate those things) instead. I may have to eliminate the leg curls, too. Darn, cartilage. I have terrible knees and they don't like high impact. They get enough of a workout just carrying me around, lol. But, I'm still loving the workouts and now that Nellie has a nice new shiny tire, we're on the road again, yay!

Have a great day and remember to drink your water. Today's tip: tight panties hurt!