Monday Weigh-In

After I wrote my last post, I got to thinking about how it might have sounded like I let the scale determine my success and my mood. And this morning when I was reading through the comments, Carla and Roxie reminded me not to let the scale, or the number I see on the scale, be the deciding factor on how I feel. In the past, I did let that "number" upset me when it didn't go the way I'd hoped. But lately, I am so determined to look at this trip down weight-loss lane as a means to a better me, that the number I see only makes me work harder.

And the number on the scale today is a good indication that I'm doing things right. I saw 250.4 on my scale! That's a loss of 1.6 lbs since last Monday. And yes, it did make me really happy. But I can feel the changes in my body and in my energy and how my clothes are fitting and that means much more to me than the number I got in today's weigh-in.

If it weren't for blogging, I'm not so sure I would have this healthy attitude about my success. The encouraging words and motivation that blogging brings into my day are must-have travel accessories for this weight-loss trip! I want this time to be the last time I'm faced with losing this much weight. I want this journey to be IT!!!

Happy Monday! And don't forget to drink your water!

**Fingers Crossed**

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my scale has something good to tell me. I've eaten well this week and stayed on the bike despite the scorching heat. I hate to sweat but if it means I lose a pound or two, well, I'm willing to soak my shirt.

With all this hot weather I'm drinking a lot of water, of course, but you know what that leads to...frequent potty breaks. Which is fine when you are near a bathroom in the comfort of you own home. But when you're out on the bike, the need to pee is not a comfortable experience. So for now I'm pedaling close to home so if I need to circle back and go potty it's not a problem. I must have the world's smallest bladder!

This weekend has been a quiet one. I'm taking this week off for vacation but I'll just be chillaxing, (as Karen says), maybe take in a movie, go see the Amy Blakemore photo exhibit at the MFAH, or just hang out at home. Always love me some vacay time!

Make it a good week, whatever you do. And don't forget to drink your water - just know where the nearest potty is!

102 Degrees, People!

That's our high today here in H-town. Blazing hot! The air is hot, the ground is hot. Thank heavens we can cool off in the a/c. I am worried for all the elderly and less fortunate in Houston that don't have or can't afford to use an air conditioner. There has already been a heat-related death in our city. Come on, RAIN!

I rode my bike yesterday for only 32 minutes, partly because I had to go pee, but also because it was still in the 90's at 7 pm. Today, right now, the weather guy is telling me it's 102. Sorry, Nellie, no riding today. Last night I felt weak and shaky and a little nauseated. And today I still feel kinda queasy. I think I got way too hot.

Maybe later tonight I'll try doing some weights so today won't be a total loss for exercise. The thought of making myself sweat, though, is not sounding good.

I need to plan our vacation for next month (I know, I'm a procrastinator when it comes to spending money that way!). I'm thinking some place cold would be nice.

Drink your water and check on your neighbors and pets. Stay cool!!

UPDATE: Actually, when I wrote this post, it was 103. The high for today was 104. We won't even talk about the heat index!

Monday Weigh In

I got on the scale this morning (holding my breath :D) and, finally, I'm seeing progress. Here's how my weigh-ins have gone so far for the month of June:

June 1 - 262.0

June 8 - 256.6

June 15- 254.4

June 22- 252.0

Total weight loss for the month of June - 10 lbs! I don't know why I got off track. It feels good to lose this familiar layer around my middle. Already, I am breathing easier and my clothes are a bit looser. I think a lot of what helped me get back on track are the great bloggers that I read (or try to read) daily! Your blogs motivate me, encourage me, educate me, and sometimes make me want to get up and dance.

This week in Houston we are expecting highs of 100!! The heat index will be around 104+. These are the days when I dream of living in Cambria, CA. A place I discovered once while on vacation driving the PCH. Someday I would like to retire there. Ah, I'm such a dreamer!

Drink lots of water! Be happy and do what works.

Saturday Surprise

Mom and I went to Penzy's on Saturday and had a blast. We were going to go on Friday since I took that day off from work, but instead I got a new phone! I have had the same old cell phone for years and when they came out with the new iPhone, well, I decided to go for it. Of course, now I'm trying to figure out all the bells and whistles, but I love it! Anyway, back to Saturday.

Penzy's was great. I love that place and always leave feeling like I want to run home and cook. The smells are heavenly. And they have recipe cards for you to take home with you that make for total inspiration.

Here's our loot. I used some of the cinnamon in my coffee this morning. Delish!

After smelling all those great spices, we were hungry and didn't have to go far for a great meal. Just a few doors down from Penzy's is Collina's Italian Cafe. We'd never eaten there but were too hungry to go hunting for somewhere else, so we took a chance. Boy, were we glad we did. The place was friendly, clean, and best of all, the food was awesome.

I had the Mista Terra salad which is roma tomatoes, pepperoncini, red onion, roasted bell peppers, eggplant, feta, black olives with a nice, light, vinaigrette over lettuces. Delicioso! Our waitress told us the salads were really big and offered us the half size. Perfect! It was just enough and no left-overs. We also had an order of Foccacia bread which was to die for. I love surprises and this place was just that. We will be going there again!

When we got home, I went for a ride on Nellie (I finally named my bike) and burned up around 500 calories. Got on the scale this morning and was down another .8 of a pound. I'm officially weighing in tomorrow but had to see if yesterday's splurge on bread had left it's mark on me. Whew. I think I'm finally back on track. I didn't feel deprived this weekend at all and still I'm losing. That's the best surprise of all.

Stay cool and don't forget to drink your water!

T G I F ! ! !

I'm taking Friday off, just because I can. I am so thankful for vacation days! I think I'll go to Penzy's for some spices I'm out of. I love their cinnamon, chipotle powder, and greek seasoning.

I stepped on the scale Thursday morning and liked what I saw :) All this riding is burning up some calories. This weekend I just have to keep it together. Weekends are tough schedule wise for me. I do so much better with structure but weekends always get hectic.

Here is a picture of an orchid that has bloomed several times in my office at work. I really like these plants. I never had one before because I thought they were delicate and difficult to care for. I water mine every week and that's all I do and it blooms over and over. Beautiful.

Have a great Friday and a super weekend.

Buffet x 2

My weekends are usually spent watching a movie, cleaning house, maybe going out for a meal. This last weekend I was invited to two events, one on Saturday and one on Sunday. Be careful what you wish for...the universe is listening! lol

Anyway, both events were centered around buffets. Naturally. But I was okay with not loading my plate down with all the fried things and I didn't go back for a second plate. Both events also had cake. On Saturday it was Italian Creme and Sunday was a really good sheet cake with yummy icing. I did have a small piece both days. I came home each day and went for a ride so calorie wise I felt, hmmm, okay.

When I got on the scale this morning, no loss. Surprised? No. Nothing gained. But nothing lost. I enjoyed the social aspect of going and had a nice time. I still felt uncomfortable because of my size but I made myself go. I am trying to have a life now. But, I think if I hadn't gone to either event, I would have been more likely to lose something. At least, that's what my mind is telling me. That's another reason why I avoid food-focused events, it always seems to set me back. I don't know if it's just being around all that food or what.

And today, I was disappointed that another week has gone by and I'm not showing a loss. I mean, when I get the weight off, is it going to pile back on when I start living the life I keep thinking I'll have when I'm thinner??!! Geez, what a freakin' catch-22.

Okay, I'm taking a deep breath and calming down. I'm just feeling like the weight is never going to come off. I've been yo-yo-ing these few pounds for a month or so and I'm getting really tired of it. Maybe I need to cut the whole grains out again for a week or two to get a grip. Or lock myself away in a vault!

No ride today. I think I was tired from the busy weekend.

In the Pink!

I'm taking the advice and encouragement that you guys gave me to heart. I gave it a lot of thought and made a list of some of the things I'd like to do to in my "me" time. Today I signed up for a local charity bike ride! It's called Tour de Pink 2009 and its scheduled for September 13th at Prairie View A&M University which is just outside of Houston. I'm so excited! Starting in August, they are offering a training session and a few training rides to help get us novice riders in the swing of things. Even though I rode the MS150 in 2005, that was a long time ago and I need to brush up on my group riding skills.

I'm following the lead of Donna B. and MaryFran, in a way. They both are addicted to bike events and I'm so impressed by their dedication and determination! They are having so much fun and getting healthier with every ride. I'm going to start riding in as many events as I can fit in. I loved riding the MS150 to Austin and even though I don't have a team or anyone to ride with, I'm looking forward to meeting the other riders in the training rides for the Tour de Pink. The best part about this ride is it is for riders of all levels. I'm riding in the 23 mile course but the also have a 12 mile, and 47 mile, and on up. I don't think I'll ever be a "race" cyclist, but I hope to at least build my speed and endurance and lose some weight at the same time!

I think this is just the boost I needed to give me something else to work towards and not just focus on losing weight. Now I need to get busy and ride more and add some strength training in my weekly exercise. I like working with weights but I always feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I think I'll check out Mizfit's videos and go from there.

Since the Tour de Pink 2009 is a charity ride benefiting breast cancer, I have to raise money for this awesome cause. If you want to make a donation, please visit my personal page here. I'll be adding a widget to my blog later to make it nice and easy to make a donation.

Okay, folks, it's Friday! Woo Hoo! Have a good weekend and drink plenty of water! Whether it's hot where you are or not, drink that H20! See, you got me all feeling better and now I'm telling about your water again!

Happier State of Mind

Today I feel soooo much better emotionally. I want to thank all of you that left me comments on yesterday's dreary post. Your words of support and encouragement where spot on! I'm going to read and re-read your comments! You are some very special people and I'm blessed to know you.

June 1st, when I got back on the wagon (so to speak), I had gained 8 lbs so my weight was back up to 262. As of today, I've lost 5.4 lbs of the eight that I gained back. I'm really glad about that, but I'm disappointed in myself that I allowed myself to gain that much. At least I'm going in the right direction now and hope that by this Monday, I can see a few more pounds gone.

This gain is part of what set me off yesterday, I think. I felt guilty that I'd gained and mad that I let it happen, again. I consoled myself about the gain for awhile by thinking "look how long it took to gain those 8 lbs!" What kind of thinking is that? That isn't anything to be glad about. I shouldn't have allowed one single pound to creep back on.

In April I pretty much quit logging my food and counting calories. I was keeping a mental record (at least, that's what I did for awhile). So from April to June I gained back 8 lbs. In my mind I think I just felt like I'll never really get to my goal. That this is too much like work. Not only do I have to track every bite I put in my mouth, but I have to exercise, too? Yeah, this is work.

Then today I read those wonderful comments and suddenly I felt like I am worth the work. That I need to look at it as a labor of love. That I need to have some time and space for me. And that I need to stop putting off doing the things I want to do just because I'm not "thin" yet.

So I got back on the bike today and I didn't cry. It was a good ride and I felt good afterwards. Thanks again, you guys, for lifting me up! I appreciate it!

Moody State of Mind

Went for a ride on my bike today and started crying. Kind of out of the blue and can't really put my finger on why I started to cry (could be pms, sorry if any guys are reading) but I've been in a moody state of mind lately. I really want to lose weight but what I want more is to change my life.

Of course, I always think that when I lose THE weight, my life will change automatically. You know, I'll go out more. Make more friends. Go kayaking or canoeing and not be afraid I'll not fit in the kayak or canoe. Take dancing lessons. These are all things I'd like to be doing NOW but can't imagine myself doing them in this hefty body.

I've secluded myself socially because I don't like how I look. I remember when I was thin and attractive and people noticed me. Now I don't want people to notice me. I turn down invitations to things because I don't like how I look. I'm always thinking that they must be judging me by my size. Let's face it, there is something about a fat person that makes people think they are lazy and that they must eat all day long. Well, I don't really think of myself that way, but I know some people do so I just avoid putting myself in the public eye.

I try to picture my life when I've lost more weight and I just don't see much of a change. My mom will still live with me and I'll go to work every week and my time off will not be my own. So what's the point of losing weight? Who cares anyway? I'm just somebody's daughter and somebody's mother. I don't know how to be me anymore. And I think I'm afraid of who she might turn out to be.

This was a depressing post, but I don't have too many people in my life that I trust to tell my true feelings to. I need somewhere to let it out.