Today I feel soooo much better emotionally. I want to thank all of you that left me comments on yesterday's dreary post. Your words of support and encouragement where spot on! I'm going to read and re-read your comments! You are some very special people and I'm blessed to know you.
June 1st, when I got back on the wagon (so to speak), I had gained 8 lbs so my weight was back up to 262. As of today, I've lost 5.4 lbs of the eight that I gained back. I'm really glad about that, but I'm disappointed in myself that I allowed myself to gain that much. At least I'm going in the right direction now and hope that by this Monday, I can see a few more pounds gone.
This gain is part of what set me off yesterday, I think. I felt guilty that I'd gained and mad that I let it happen, again. I consoled myself about the gain for awhile by thinking "look how long it took to gain those 8 lbs!" What kind of thinking is that? That isn't anything to be glad about. I shouldn't have allowed one single pound to creep back on.
In April I pretty much quit logging my food and counting calories. I was keeping a mental record (at least, that's what I did for awhile). So from April to June I gained back 8 lbs. In my mind I think I just felt like I'll never really get to my goal. That this is too much like work. Not only do I have to track every bite I put in my mouth, but I have to exercise, too? Yeah, this is work.
Then today I read those wonderful comments and suddenly I felt like I am worth the work. That I need to look at it as a labor of love. That I need to have some time and space for me. And that I need to stop putting off doing the things I want to do just because I'm not "thin" yet.
So I got back on the bike today and I didn't cry. It was a good ride and I felt good afterwards. Thanks again, you guys, for lifting me up! I appreciate it!