Oh, the undoing!

I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 276. Two pounds down from Sunday which is when I got started back to clean eating. I still have 4 lbs to go to get back to where I was before I fell into the sugar bowl. I hate that I have to spend this week undoing what I had done the week before Christmas. What I hate most is that the food I ate was not even worth it. It's not like I had gourmet meals or something. I actually think that after eating clean for a couple of weeks my taste buds didn't appreciate me eating crap.

I seem to be easy prey for giving in to the pressures of others when it comes to my eating plan. In the January 2009 issue of Clean Eating magazine, there is a great article about this very problem. It's called "Surviving Sabotage" by Peggy Hall on page 66, if you have the magazine. It gives great ideas on how to avoid the people who mean well in your life, but that just don't get that you are changing your eating habits. This article gives great tips on what to say when you don't want to accept the food that's being offered. Even if the food was made "especially for you." You don't have to eat it. I'm always afraid I'll upset the person if I turn it down. Now I have a new strategy for handling these situations. I can say "thanks, that was so nice of you. I'll have some later, I'm kinda full right now" or "you are such a good cook, can I take some home for later?"

The main idea is to "use positive language (avoid trigger words like no, can't, shouldn't, diet, lose weight, etc.)," "express gratitude," "acknowledge the effort" and "suggest an alternative." This method will make the giver feel good and you will escape having to eat something just to make them happy. Of course, sometimes you just have to accept the food. That does not mean you have to eat it. Just set the plate down and continue to talk or do whatever so no one notices you aren't eating it. That part sounds difficult, but I used to work with a girl that always took a piece of the birthday cake or donut or whatever was being offered during office celebrations and when she got to her office, she threw it in the trash.

I want to be like that. I want to fly under the radar of the saboteurs in my scope. I want to say "I've had plenty, thanks. I'm going to pass on dessert for now." And in saying that, know that my decision to pass is okay and that no one got hurt by me saying "no thanks."

Anyway, if you have the mag, read this article. It will give you tips on how to stick to your eating clean diet.

Sugar Can Bring You Down

A week before Christmas I started eating sugar after not having it in my diet for 2 weeks. The day before Christmas, I began to feel sick. My chest hurt and my head hurt and my sinuses were very congested. I have not been sick in awhile. The day after Christmas, I didn't get out of bed till 4 pm. For me, that is unheard of!

I read in something last night that sugar can weaken your immunity. I so believe that is what I did to myself. I was feeling very good and then dove into my old eating habits and viola!, sick! I've been looking all day for the book or magazine where I got my info but can't find it. I know I didn't dream it. I hate it when I can't find something. It will bug me until I finally find it. I thought it was in my Eat-Clean Diet Book, but I've looked at every page twice and I can not find it! Oh, well, moving on.

I got on the scale this morning (Saturday) and I'm up almost 6 pounds. Which probably is mostly water since all I have to do is have one piece of pie or one serving of pancakes and I gain. I know my body and how it will react so I honestly can't say I'm surprised. I planned to cheat and that's what I did. Tosca says in her book that "cheating is learning" (pg 150 of the Expanded Ed.). Learn from how cheating makes your body feel. And if you don't want to throw away all your hard work, put the cheating behind you and start fresh from that moment on!

So that's where I am with my diet. I'm ready to put my cheating behind me and get busy losing more weight. I know that eating clean works and that is what I'll be doing for the 6 week challenge! Thanks, Karen, for getting us back on track! You ROCK! I can't wait to see how much we all lose in these next 6 weeks!

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!!

Hope you all have the best holiday! Stay safe and be cool! Be good to yourself and who ever you're with!

I would like to say thanks to all of you that take the time to read and comment here at my little blog. It is always so nice to "see" you all everyday. You are all dear to my heart and I wish you all success at whatever makes you happy and great days ahead.

Love, hugs, and best wishes!!

Weak Momentum

There is no excuse for what I am doing to my body. I am fully aware of what I'm eating and yet, that does not stop me from putting it in my mouth. Ever since I fell into the vat of sugar last week, I've weakened my momentum. I will rebuild it, but it will take me a few good meals!

Thanks, by the way, to all of you who've left such nice, supportive comments. They really do mean a lot to me and I read them over and over. I am beginning to understand why blogging is my tool of choice! You are all important to me.

While I am not really eating clean this week, I am trying to make good choices. Because of the hectic holiday happenings this week I am too stressed to think. Since eating clean is new to my family, I need some time to introduce them to this new and better way to eat. This Christmas, is not the time to spring all this new info on them. Now, some of you may judge me on this decision but I know my family and until they see that life will go on while eating clean, I think this is the best way to secure the future of eating clean.

I've decided on New Year's I will create a yummy clean meal and let them know that in 2009, we will eat clean. We will be healthy. I will lose weight and exercise will become my BFF. :)

My family is always supportive of me, so I don't think I will have a hard time convincing them that clean is the way to go. My mom has some really bad habits and since she lives with me now, that will be my biggest struggle. When I was little she used food as a reward. I think everyone did back then. She would fix cakes and fudge and beg me to stay up and watch TV with her. So late night snacking has always been with me. She still likes to bake cakes and make goodies. It has been really hard having her here because she doesn't understand that I have no full switch. If she makes a skillet of corn bread, I want to eat 2 or 3 pieces. And when she makes pancakes, I want 5 or 6. She does not have a binge problem like me. I never know when I've had enough. It must be nice to have such control.

Anyway, I hope everyone has the best holiday! Stay safe and love the ones you're with!!

Hello, My Name Is...

sugar addict. I really didn't want to post this but I'm trying to be real here, unashamed to admit my downfalls and exuberant to share my successes. This week has not been a good one for me in regards to food. After Monday, my eat-clean diet took a dumpster dive! I totally caved. Damn, I hate that I still have to fight with myself about food choices.

I was given some fudge last week and I put it in my drawer intending to take it home and give it to my family. I found it Tuesday and, well let's just say, it was good. Really frickin good. Then yesterday we had our office lunch party. It's with all of us in the business office and secretarial areas. Someone plans it each year and brings a dessert and we all do the White Elephant gift exchange game. The person that planned it this year ordered from an Italian place so we had salad, which was good, and pasta. Three different kinds of pasta. I was okay with that. I had a lot of salad and a small serving of the spinach lasagne and one piece of garlic bread. Then I had dessert. It was some kind of whipped cream pudding cookie crap and I ate it.

I have been spiraling out of control ever since. I have had cookies and candy. I feel like crap, too. I've been very sleepy today and groggy. Like in a stupor. I am disgusted with myself because I could not just walk away from the temptation. My first thought is that there is no hope for me in the future. I mean, even if I can get most of this weight off me, will I be able to look at candy and cookies and not want to consume six peoples share?!!

I am getting a grip because I don't want to undo what I have done since Dec. 1st. I am sick and tired of losing and gaining the same pounds. I read your blogs and you are all doing so well. I am proud of how so many of you are sticking to your plan. I will keep reading and working on getting the sugar out of my diet. Thanks to all of you, too, for the great support you send out everyday!

Damage Control

Well the party last night was really nice. They had a nice buffet with Caesar salad southwest style, baked fish in a lemon sauce, roast beef, chicken breast (I didn't have the chicken, I eat it all the time), little polenta squares, roasted green beans, sweet potatoes sliced thin in a white sauce (I have no idea what this was but I had a slice of the potatoes with not much sauce), and some kind of barley mix with tomatoes (this was good, interesting!). So I had a little of everything. Did not go back for seconds. Had one glass of Merlot. Then it was time for the desserts. A friend brought me a plate with 3 of the little mini desserts: cheesecake, lemon meringue pie, and pecan pie tartlet. I ate all 3. I know, everyone else was doing it so likewise, I ate them. They were good, too.

Today, I'm over it. I don't have any bad feelings about the meal. Nor am I having any trouble putting it behind me. I have eaten my meals as planned today and don't feel like I'm missing anything. I think the clean eating has really left a mark on me. I really looked forward to eating my food. Well, I have to be honest, I think I have daydreamed about that lemon meringue tart. Damn, tart!

It's going to be okay. I think I looked pretty good, too, last night in my new outfit. I got a lot of compliments. Everyone looked good in their dressy duds. It was fun and I'm glad I went. In the future I think I will be okay with a little indulgence every once in awhile. I hope!

PS I guess you noticed I said nothing about the Scale today. I did not step foot on it since I ate all that stuff last night. I'm sure I'd be disappointed or shocked, or both. I will see what the Scale says in a day or two after I've been back to my clean eating. :)

Weekends Are Rough

Yesterday, I spent my whole day cleaning out my garage. It's something I feel like I'm always doing and yet, never get finished. I keep trying to purge old stuff but more stuff just seems to appear out there. It's like some kind of 5th dimension. Creepy.
Since I was so busy with that lovely job, I got a little off my clean regime. I had too much sodium I think cause I'm up a pound today. I swear, if I even look at salt, I bloat like a sponge. I don't think I over ate, I just made some wrong choices. I added cheese to an omelet that I made and ate late last night. I'm not upset, just a little annoyed.
Tonight is our Christmas party for work. It's at a fancy-schmancy place and I'm a bit nervous about the food and open-bar. I don't really drink much (I did when I was younger, much younger) and haven't felt very comfortable in social situations since I've been so overweight. I always feel so self-conscious and get uptight. I don't even have anything to wear. I'm going out today and see if I can find something. Wish me luck!

Well, after much shopping I settled for this outfit for the party tonight. I had something else in mind but I couldn't find it. Shopping for clothes is not something I really enjoy. At least not for the size that I'm wearing. Next year when I go shopping it will be for MUCH smaller size!!

I also didn't plan well for my shopping spree and started to have a blood sugar blow out. I stopped at Jack in the Box and got their fajita chicken pita. It was okay, 300 cals but the sodium is a killer. I will try to do better at the party but this day is looking like a total loss. Tomorrow I owe my body a clean break and some exercise!

It's Friday And We Have Egg Rolls!!

It's the holiday season. Oh, boy. This year I am going to avoid the unhealthy treats and goodies that end up on my desk. The intention is appreciated, but this year I will be looking at these treats with different eyes. I want to think of them, not as things I can't have, but see them for what they are...not good for me. Seriously. I will only eat the treats that I know are clean. This will be my mantra for the holidays and the coming year! Now that I've said it, I'm already worried that I will lose my grip and slip into a fatty food coma.

Every year one of my co-workers makes home-made egg rolls. They are divine, but they are deep-fried. I like them and always wish she shared more than 2 per person. So this morning she showed up in my office with her "gift." I graciously accepted them. Placed them on my desk and continued to eat my oatmeal! They are on a paper plate covered with foil. I have not laid eyes on them. They are cold from the fridge so I can not smell them, thank heavens. I will not eat them. The question is now what to do with them. I think I will take them to my son. He's 25, rides his bike almost everyday, so I don't think they will be a bad once a year treat for him. However, if I think they are not healthy enough for me, should I pass them on to someone else and let them be unhealthy?

The holidays will be different this year, I hope. I plan to remember why I am doing this and stay true to my decision about getting healthier and thinner. I want to be "fine in 2009." This morning the scale said two seventy three. Woo Hoo! I've lost 12 lbs in 12 days! I rode my bike yesterday for 3.5 miles and even though it was colder than I would have liked, it felt great to be riding again.

Have a great weekend of shopping, walking, tennis, golf, riding, lifting, or whatever makes you happy!! :)

Snow?!!

What is that fluffy stuff that's flying around out there? Snow? Nah, not here in Southeast Texas. Wait...it is snow!

That's right. We are having a little snow down here. Of course it won't stick but it's cause for celebration! We rarely have weather that's cold enough to freeze. I love it when we do. I think I'm a displaced northerner!!

Today the scale said two seventy five point two. So, since Monday's weigh-in I haven't lost a full pound, yet. I'm not having trouble sticking to my plan. Even when my mom is sitting on the sofa next to me eating a bear-claw pastry. Thank goodness I don't really like those things. Although when she was munching on some Fritos earlier it almost got me. Crunchy salty things are something I really like.

After watching her eat those things I felt a little disgusted. One, because I wanted some. :( And two, because I know how gross they are for what's in them. I don't want to like those foods anymore. I'm wondering how will I feel in a few weeks about them if I get a whiff when someone is eating them. I wish I could have the gene removed that makes me think that I will enjoy those foods. I want gene manipulation to cause me to violently dislike that crap.

The best part is I didn't eat any Fritos. I consider this a small hurdle but I made it just the same. We have to take our victory's where they come!

If It Tastes Too Good, Beware!!

I work at a private school (not a teacher, glorified secretary) that in our area, is known for it's lunch room delights. We have so much to choose from: soup bar, salad bar, sandwich bar, hamburgers or veggie burgers, and the hot food line. They even have a frozen yogurt machine which I stay clear of. I can usually find something good and "clean" everyday so I don't bring my lunch. This is a blessing and I have appreciated for the last 8 yrs. Whenever I want to eat healthy, I can, and vice-versa!!

Yesterday I went through the hot food line and got steamed broccoli and sweet potatoes ~not mixed together :) ~ and some cottage cheese off the salad bar. I was so excited about the sweet potatoes! Yes, they are part of the eat-clean diet!! Woo Hoo! Now for the bad news. They tasted really, really good. Too, good. Was something lurking on my sweet potatoes?! There was not a sauce, not visible signs of anything other than good ole 'taters. So I ate them, even though deep in my soul, I knew they were too sweet.

When I went to the lunch room today, I asked one of the cooks if the sweet 'taters had sugar on them. Yes!? What the?? Why did they feel the need to take a perfectly wholesome food and taint it with sugar?? I hate that! What's worse is I knew when I was gobbling down each sweet tastey bite that I was eating sugar. In a weak moment I reverted back to eating what I knew I shouldn't. And the rest of the day I could feel that sugar slowing down my thinking and making me tired. From now on, I will ask first if they have added stuff to the food that looks safe. I don't want to have to bring my own food, but I will if I have to. It must be due to the holidays that they think they need to make rich food this week. Well, and the kids are having reviews for exams so maybe they think the kids need sugar. I wish they would realize how much better off the kids would be if they didn't add all that crap.

So on my plate today I had their Tilapia baked in Jerk Sauce (probably has sugar), lima beans, and spring salad with blue cheese chunks. It was all good but I'm worried that I need to bring my own lean protein. I may just bring my own chicken breast or tuna, etc. so I don't have to worry about getting sugar that I don't want. Geez. People. Leave the freakin' sugar out of the food!

Today the scale didn't move. Well, I knew it might not. It's just messin' with me. Never fear, scale, you will go down!!