Happy Wednesday and belated Merry Christmas!

I hope you had a great holiday. I've been off work since Dec. 20th and wouldn't you know, I've been sick every day since. I've had some kind of cold-flu-like-crud and just since Monday, have felt like I'm getting over it. We had a nice Christmas. Very quiet and I was fine as long as I had my box of tissues handy.

Being sick during this time of year has saved me some calories. I haven't eaten as many of the goodies that are lurking everywhere. I usually make cookies, but not this year. Didn't make spinach dip to eat with sour dough. And guess what? We all survived.

I have been doing my Reverb10 - only mentally. I didn't feel like writing it all down but I like how the prompts have got me thinking. Less about my weight and more about living the life I want to live.

My son moved out this month. His very own first apartment! It's been exciting to get him all set up. I put together some kitchen stuff and bought him some new towels and odds and ends. He's doing it all himself, while still juggling three jobs and school, but it was time. He needed to get his own place. A place of his own. I'm so proud of him. Of course, a lot of his stuff is still here. His time is limited and I'll probably have to get a small storage space for the things that don't fit at his place. It's a very small garage apartment, but it's cute and perfect for him.

My birthday will be here in a couple of weeks. It kind of gets to me sometimes. I thought I'd have done more with my life by now, but we get out of life what we put into it, right? It's time to put more into it! Easy to say. Now I just need the courage to begin.

I hope you have a great rest of the week and a safe, happy new year! Thanks for your friendships. I love this blogging community.

Well, not exactly & Reverb10 Day 9

This week was better than last week. The co-worker with the ill-planned medical procedure is doing better and has returned to pull her load. My other co-worker can't let it go and told the other woman maybe she should take a leave of absence if this is going to be an ongoing thing. This kind of unsportmanship behavior really gets to me. I have a job. I go to work everyday with the intent to do my best - whatever the situation  or case may be. That doesn't mean I might not get pissed if I feel taken advantage of, but I will do my work and be darned cheery about it (while I'm there).


Anyway, on to Reverb10, Day 9 (yes, I'm behind but I'm working on it)

December 9 – Party 


Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)


Well, sad to say, there weren't any parties in 2010 that I had the pleasure of attending. So, I'm stretching the definition of party to "gathering" and going with my trip to Albuquerque in September. The first night we were there, we attended a meet-n-greet with other independent school faculty and staff at El Pinto Restaurant. The purpose of the trip was to see the host school and sit in on a planning meeting for an upcoming arts festival. I was excited just to be in New Mexico and it was fun to be there with a lot of people I knew from Houston and from past arts festivals. Our group was outside and the weather was fantastic. The tables were festive and the Margarita's were perfect. I got my first taste of New Mexican food and it's nothing like TexMex. They use green and red chili's but they are not the same green chili's we have here in Texas. You can learn more about their peppers here - if you're interested. Apparently, chili's are great for your diet, too. All the more reason to spice things up!


There were some pesky mosquitoes at the restuarant and those suckers were big. I thought Texas cornered the market on those blood-suckers but I was wrong. Ouch. 


The rest of the weekend was spent getting to know Albuquerque. I love that place! I think I mostly love seeing the mountains all around. Oh, and the freeway was a lovely terracotta color with turquoise trim. I didn't get a good picture when I was there (it's hard to take pictures when your driving, go figure) but here is a great shot at Getty Images.


Hope you are having a great weekend. Are you getting in the holiday spirit? I'm working on it :)

A day late...

I really do want to start posting in the mornings. By the time I get around to writing a post, it's almost tomorrow. I tried writing my words down on paper during the day yesterday (Wednesday) to get a head start, but it's been so long since I actually wrote with a pen that my thoughts just didn't flow. Then, last night I struggled with my answer to the Dec. 8th prompt (Reverb10). I'm not very comfortable with thinking about myself as "beautiful." It sounds conceited. But this is an exercise to help manifest what's next and I'm ready for that.


December 8 - Beautifully Different


Prompt - Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)


I thought about this all day. What makes me different? Maybe it's the fact that I have long brown hair with only a smidge of grey. Not very many women my age (a-hem, 53) don't color their hair. (I'm growing mine to donate to Locks of Love and I'm really getting ready for a haircut, lol). But I think the qualities of our character are what makes us different, or beautifully different. These qualities that are a direct result of the lives we've lived and the people we've loved. Some of those qualities are born out of happiness and some are born out of grief. And, our character is constantly evolving which is a good thing.


Now, on to some of the ways that I think I am different:  I'm detailed and observant and see details that many people overlook. I notice the design of things, but not in a critical way. I like to find better ways to get something done and like being efficient. I'm a listener and keeper of private things. When you tell me something is "just between us" it stays that way. I take no pleasure in gossip. I thrive on honesty, but have trouble trusting others. Go figure.


I can't imagine what I might do that "lights up people" but I try always to be gracious. I try to be courteous, thoughtful, and kind. I was raised that way and it pretty much stuck.

I'm excited about participating in Reverb10. I got a late start in this challenge and now I'm another day behind...so I think I'll try and catch up this weekend. I'm feeling a shift in my thinking already. Yesterday I went for a walk and it felt great. Not like someone was holding a gun to my head to get out there. 

If you found my blog from Reverb10, welcome! And thanks for stopping by. I look forward to learning and growing from this awesome event. 

Not the sum total.

I need to take the focus off food and dieting. Lately, I've felt that dieting is the sum total of my life. There is so much more to me than weighing and measuring food and hoping to wear a smaller size by x amount of time. So, I'm signing up for a writing challenge over at Reverb10. 

"Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead."


I like the daily prompts, like today's prompt is:

December 7 – Community

Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I have discovered a wonderful community online of bloggers. They are more than bloggers to me. They are friends. People that genuinely care about others. They take the time to leave a comment of support when they "see" a need. They share their life and sometimes they even share their things (love those giveaways!). I'm glad I joined this community of bloggers and look forward to "meeting" more in 2011.

In the last year, I've drifted away from my church. Not my faith, it never waivers. But I do miss the community of believers, sometimes. My soul seeks the strength that comes from faith shared.

In 2011, I want to be a more active member of my community. In words, in actions, and in efforts.

It goes on.

Some days, I don't want to put on the happy face. No one can make me happy but me, I know that. I simply don't know how to anymore. I think I'm stressed out and tired of my life, or lack of one.

Work has not been ideal. A co-worker has been absent for something she elected to do. Not cosmetic surgery, but something she's known she wanted to have done for awhile now. She's off during the summer and you would think that she would have done it during her time off. But that's when she and her husband choose to travel to exotic places. So, doing her work and mine has me stressed out. I've been angry over it and of course I take my anger out on myself. And I don't dare complain. I need my job and I like MY job. It's just that I always seem to be doing her job and mine.

I tried to get a diet plan in the works. Every time I look at a diet menu, I get pissed off. I used to be really good at getting my mind prepared for eating less, but lately, it just pisses me off. I'm burned out. I'm pissed (have I said that enough times?). I'm afraid I'm giving up on myself. Maybe I need some antidepressants. Or a shot of tequila. The candy I've been eating just isn't doing for me anymore.

Sorry, my posting has been almost non-existent and then I share this. It goes on...life that is.

Resilience

Last Saturday, my mom was fine one minute, and very sick the next. She was throwing up and then had the other thing that sometimes follows throwing up. I'm not going to say it here, but I'm sure you can figure it out. Then on Sunday, things got worse. As you know, I don't like talking about poop, but she was having some bleeding along with the other issue.  I called her doctor and was told we should take her to the ER. She was seen right away, but it took hours before they could get her in a room. The ER doctor said she needed a colonoscopy, and depending on what the outcome of that was she might need other tests.

So, Sunday night she had to drink the GoLytely stuff, 8 oz every 10 minutes until the gallon or so of the crap is gone. Right, getting her to drink it and getting her up and down to "go" was about the most disgusting fun I've had in years. I haven't had a colonoscopy yet, (I know, it's past time, ugh) but going through this (again) with her does not make this appeal to me in the least. As a matter of fact, I don't think I'll ever have one. Nope. People lived for years without having to go through this humiliation. (Please, just let me have this moment. I will have one...someday.)

She had this same thing a few years ago, ischemic colitis. Apparently, pretty common in older folks. The doctor said her colon looked fine other than this flare up. He prescribed an antibiotic and sent her home. What a relief it was knowing 1) she would be good as new soon, and 2) her colonoscopy is done.

For Thanksgiving this year, we decided to take things easy. Dropped off the turkey at Hickory Pit Bar-B-Que to get smoked, picked up some sides and dressing from Luby's and I cooked some green beans a-la skillet style. Everything was delish and we have limited leftovers and hardly any time was spent in the kitchen.

I didn't get the week off that I had planned, but it's all good. Mom and I laughed till our sides hurt during her prep at the hospital. And we both were resilient this week :)

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I'm happy to have you here and wish you the best. I'm going to watch Eat Pray Love tonight and swoon over Javier ;)

Happy Thanksgiving!

 Thanksgiving Day is a day

for our thoughts to

be on what is most

important.

Love, family, friendships,
peace, health.

I pray that you have

a wonderful day of thanksgiving

and more blessings than

you can count.

I'm thankful for so much...

today and everyday.

Mindless Eating

We are supposed to practice mindful eating not mindless eating, but this week my stress level was up pretty high. I had to fill in for the Head Master's assistant while she's out having knee surgery. My executive skills are a bit rusty so I was a bit tense around the shoulders (you know, the shoulders in the ears trick?). Then a woman in my own department had to have some weird neck surgery today so she was out and handling her job along with filling in for the Head's assistant has made me a nervous wreck. On the inside. No one sees that I'm nervous. They all think I'm calm, cool, and in control.

Night before last I dropped my tripod on my toe. The one next to my big toe. Hurt so bad I almost cried. I don't cry easy any more, so let's just say it hurt like a mother really, really bad. The day before that I got a fever blister on my lip. Haven't had one of those in about a year. Stress? Um-hum. Last night I went to bed at 8:30pm. A new record for me. And when the alarm went off at 5:45am, I felt like I could sleep another hour or two.

Tomorrow morning I have to help my mom with a craft sale. She got this brilliant idea to make jewelry and sell it. Of course, I'm getting roped into helping her...this time. If she has more of these, I explained to her that I'm not that interested in making this a regular Saturday event. She understands. I'm just worried about myself and my inability to say no. It's a simple word, but I have a lot of trouble saying it.

I think I might have to bow out of the challenge. I've not really been into keeping track of calories or passing on dessert. Might be BS, but this week will have to go down as a royal waste of time. Better luck next week.

Now that I've whined about stuff (and read over what I just wrote) let me take a moment to say what I'm thankful for:

1. I'm thankful that people at work have faith in me to do whatever is asked.
2. I'm thankful the tripod didn't hit my big toe :)
3. I'm thankful that my mom is still trying to be a participant in life.
4. I'm thankful for blogger friends.
5. I'm thankful for second chances.

I hope you have a great weekend. Take care of yourself.

Reel it in.

Last week, I joined with lots of folks to do Allan's Double Dog Dare You Challenge. In all my excitement to try something new I seem to have forgotten what I'm trying to achieve here. I counted calories, check. I drank my water, check. I ate sensibly, no, not so much. I ate things that were really higher in fat and sugars than I know my body needs. And as a result, over the weekend I kinda indulged in too many treats. My calories per day were more than they should have been. I have to get a grip or these two weeks will be a total loss. And not a weight loss, if you know what I mean.

I'm a little frustrated with myself. I have to stop eating things like chips and stick with real food. It's just been so long since I let myself eat chips that I went a little overboard. Time to reel it back in and make better food choices. I know what to eat. And here's where I tell it like it is...I just wanted to eat junk.

No more BS.

I have a clicker! and DDDY Challenge Update

I know most of you have been keylessly opening car doors for-like-ever, but for me it's about the most exciting thing to happen since...getting power windows :) I took my CR-V to Honda yesterday to get my locks fixed. Turns out that to replace the locks in the doors and re-key the ignition, after parts and labor it would have cost me just under $600!!! Whaaaaa? So, I asked them about installing keyless entry. The price for keyless was about half of what getting new locks cost. I couldn't believe my ears. A couple of years ago I had asked them how much going keyless was and it was like $400+. Anyway, they had to order the part, which came in today so I went back and got it installed. I now have a clicker. All afternoon I locked and unlocked. Silly, I know, but I'm thrilled! I love my CR-V and now I love her even more.

Food today got a little on the high side, carb-wise, but still came in okay for calories. Inquiring minds want to know what I'm eating, so Tamzin, here's what I had today:

Coffee with creamer  - 35 cals
Raisin Bran cereal  - 110 cals
2% milk, half cup  - 60 cals
peanuts  - 105 cals
Turkey/provolone sandwich on wheat/rye
with mayo, lettuce, tomatoes  400 cals
bag of chips (I know)  - 200
grapes  - 60 cals
3 York patties  - 150 cals
popcorn @ Honda - 55 cals
Tyson Brisket  - 140 cals
carrots  - 30 cals
Steamfresh roasted potatoes  - 140 cals
slice of sour dough bread  - 110
ginger snaps  - 140 cals

Todays grand total:  1735

Something I'm noticing about not restricting certain foods is...I feel in control. I am striving to make healthier choices, but just knowing that as long as what I eat fits into my daily total, I don't get all down on myself. Usually, I'm so busy thinking about what I can't have that I don't think about what I can have. Cool.

Hope you have an awesome day. Drink your water!!

Wanna burn more calories?

Get mad. I was pretty ticked about something today so to take care of all that anger I got out the vacuum cleaner when I got home from work and went to town. I think I hit an all time record for fastest vacuuming on a Tuesday night! That had to burn up some calories. I'm calming down now sorta kinda no not really, but still need to figure out how to deal with what's bugging me. Ah, well, on to other things.

I felt a bit tempted today to cheat and ate 3 York Peppermint Patties (for 150 cals-they were the little ones). I added those calories in to my total so I wouldn't go over. I'm not even hungry for dinner (I think it's still the anger issue) so I'm going to focus on drinking my water and getting to bed at a decent hour. I don't ever - and I mean ever - willingly go to bed. It's a real habit of mine - avoiding sleep. Then once I'm finally in bed and it's dark and cool and relaxing, I'm glad to be there. Weird, I know.

I'm taking my car in to the dealership tomorrow. I don't have keyless entry and for the last month my key won't open the driver side door. I've been opening the passenger side and using a cane (my late uncle's old cane), I reach over and flip the lock up so the doors will unlock. I'm sure it's hilarious to watch ;) Anyhoo, now the passenger side door is acting up and I refuse to crawl in through the back (it's a CR-V). So, bright and early I'll be there to see what this little item is gonna cost. I wish I'd gotten keyless entry, but 7 years ago when I bought my little cutie, I was so excited to get a new car that I didn't even think about it.

Hope you are drinking your water and tallying those calories!

Weigh-In for Allan's Double Dog Dare You Challenge

Today is the first day of Allen's Double Dog Dare You Challenge! I'm excited about having a plan to get me started again.

Current weight:  252.8

Goal (for now):  170

My calories for the day (each and every day):  1870

Wow! That's a lot of calories! Yay! Nom.Nom.

Thanks, Allan, for the motivation to get back at it. So far today, I've done great with my food and water. And, I found a cool App for my iPhone called DailyBurn. I love me some healthy apps. I have the free version right now. I may be interested in the paid version if I need more help with workouts.

If you want to check out Allan's challenge you can find it here. 

I'm taking Allen's Challenge!

Thanks to Tamzin, I found Allen's challenge! It's just what I need to get me back on track. Surely, I can commit to two weeks! 


It all seems totally do-able, too. Here are the rules if you want to join in:

CHALLENGE RULES

• YOUR DAILY CALORIC INTAKE IS YOUR GOAL WEIGHT X 11
• EVERYTHING YOU INGEST COUNTS AND NEEDS TO BE RECORDED
• YOU DRINK 64 OUNCES OF WATER DAILY
• NO CHEATING AND NO BULLSHIT
• 2 WEEKS, STARTING 10/25/2010
• WEIGH IN MONDAY MORNING AND WEIGH IN 11/8/2010

It's about...healthy.

Yesterday at work, we had our health screening. Our insurance company offers to waive the $100 pharmacy deductible if we do the screening which amounts to your basic finger-stick and then a little machine tells you if you're healthy or not. They also measure your weight and your waist and tell you what THAT means in regards to what kind of risk you might be. I like doing this every year because it kind of gives you a chance to see that it's time to shit or get off the pot get back on track.

Some of my numbers improved, some not so much. Cholesterol was 196, HDL 39, Triglycerides 179, LDL 121, and blood sugar 97 (fasting). I don't know if the numbers improved because I was more active this year or if it's because I've been eating whatever I want. Last year I had been dieting strictly and I was 15 lbs lighter but my HDL and LDL were really bad. I'm sure it's because I've been more active. I'm just glad that my blood sugar is still in the normal range.

I think I've been a boring blog lately. I'm sorry for that. It looks like a couple of  "followers" have split and that makes me a little sad. I know that shouldn't bother me, but when I blogged often, I looked forward to the comments. It's nice to have that input and I miss it. I read a lot of blogs and I don't always comment either. I will try to work that.

Janell, thanks for reminding me to not give up on healthy. That is what it's really all about, isn't it?

Chasing Pirates

This week I was going to stop blogging. I've been eating as if we were having threat of famine. Stuffing myself, actually. And I don't even know why. I wanted to eat and so I did. Now, of course, I'm wishing I hadn't stuffed myself for days. I don't want to get on the scale...don't need to...my pants feel tighter already.

I wanted to try to have a go at food like normal people. So, I tried having a sandwich with chips. Then I had to have cookie. Then I had mac and cheese (the really good, rich kind). The next day I was out of control. I thought about food all day. I stopped by the store and bought candy and stashed it so I could eat it while no one was looking. Obviously, I still can't be trusted with food.

This dieting thing just gets to me sometimes but I'm not giving up. That's my claim to fame.

Sunday Snapshots - Albuquerque!

Here are a few pictures from my visit to Albuquerque. I could SO live there.

More pics can be seen here.

Happy Sunday!

How do I make peace with food?

I haven't had much to say lately. Which is not really all that odd. I'm really very reserved. All my life I've been told I'm shy but I don't really think of myself as being shy. I think I'm just not a talker. You know, some people always know just what to say. Not me. {cue crickets}

Anyway, I've been soul searching this week. That sounds better than saying I'm having a pity party, don't ya think? I've been dieting for so long that I'm sick of it. I mean, I've literally been dieting for about 25 years now and I'm still fat. There have been days (and weeks/months) where I didn't restrict myself. But those periods only led to weight gain. Then, I shame myself back to restricting myself to lose what I gained. It's this viscous cycle of diet, lose some, stall, get depressed, eat everything, feel bad, go on yet another diet. This week I didn't feel like putting myself through the usual beating. "Eat this, don't eat that!" "Why aren't you out riding?" "Really? You think you should be eating that?" So, I ate with abandon. And now I feel like I've gained about ten pounds, Who's sorry now?

I'm not to be trusted with food. When I don't restrict myself, I eat too much. I know this. I don't have to be reminded by anyone that I can eat a lot of food when it's on my plate. And there's my mom taking inventory of how much food I have on my plate. She makes little comments about how much food some people can eat at one time. She takes four bites of something and says she's full. Of course, every time she goes to her room for something, she comes out chewing. (She has a stash of candy in there.) I sound angry, don't I? Well, I guess I am. I need to make peace with food. I just don't know what that means.

I know what to eat. I know all about exercise. I could be a nutritionist, really. All that doesn't help me to stay on the straight and narrow. For my health, I need to lose weight. For my health, I need to be active. But for my heart, I need something else. I need to find the right carrot on a stick to get me on track.

Last weekend I was in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Had a wonderful time. It's so pretty there and the weather was fantastic. I think I brought the good weather back with me, too. It's been cooler and drier here in Houston this week. The week before I left, I did the usual "starve to lose a few before a big trip" thing. I lost a pound or two. The same pound or two that I've been losing and gaining for the past few months. That's when it started, the overwhelming frustration. I'm so sick of this constant dieting. And yet I really do want to be thinner. (This sounds like a crazy woman's rant now.)

I'm not giving up. I'm just going to have to go at this a different way. I just have to figure out what that way is.

Sunday Snapshots - late summer color.

Hope you're having a great day!

Rainy Day = Cool Day

It's raining like crazy today in Houston. I'm off today for Labor Day so I don't care if it rains all day. At least, it is  a nice break from the heat.

I've been busy learning my new job duties. Still at the same place, just new position. It's okay. Miss my window SO MUCH. I feel like I'm in a vault. But they'll be tearing down the building I'm in now sometime around April and then we'll all be housed in some little temporary buildings...won't that suck big-time be fun? The new building is going to be so nice it makes all this worth it. Hey, we have to focus on the positive stuff, ya know.

One of the perks of my job is that I get to travel for a planning meeting every September and then take some students on a trip every April. This school year the trip will be to Albuquerque, NM! I'm so excited!! I've never been there and we hope to take the students to Sante Fe for a little culture. The new Dean of Fine Arts and I will go to the planning meeting in a couple of weeks and while we're there we are going to take our own road trip to Sante Fe and check things out. I can't wait! So, if you've been to that area and have a fav spot, please tell me about it and any tips you might have.

I'm still struggling along with my diet. I seem to be stuck in that place where you lose a couple then gain them right back. Soooo, frustrating. Has anyone tried The Fat Flush Plan? I would like to bust through this plateau and drop of few pounds before my trip so I'm thinking about buying this book and give it a try.

I'm sorry I haven't been posting much. Thanks for sticking with me!

Have a great week :-)

Where's the duct tape?

Seriously, where IS the duct tape? I need to put it over my mouth. I've made it through today doing South Beach. No sugar. No starch. But I'm feeling the pull and it's only 6:20 pm. I'll be going to bed early tonight if it gets too bad. I will not give in. Sugar will not tempt me. Sugar will not tempt me...

Tomorrow is the first day of school. The new freshmen will be roaming the halls and looking like scared rabbits. The seniors will be feeling freedom on the horizon and the rest of the kids will just be excited to be back. I love the first day of school. My new job has me more involved with the students and I like that. It's going to be a great year.

No ride today. It came a gully-washer, which was good enough to cool things down, but not good timing.

Take care and don't forget to watch out for school zones.

Mad Me

Not Mad Men, (though I do watch that total awesomeness) mad me. I've been acting slightly mad these days. I've disgusted myself with the way I behave with food. I've consumed entire packages of processed crap. Lots of candy and anything else that's edible. I'm quite the binge artist. Not quite the "artist" title I've been hoping to launch on this here blog. But, I've taken note of it and honestly, I'm tired of eating. Hmmm. Have you ever said that before? I don't even want to get on the scale and I think I won't for the first week. I weighed myself last week and I'd gained back almost all of what I worked so hard to lose over the summer. Pathetic.

So, this week is all about flushing the madness. I'm going to go back to my low carb way of eating, a la, South Beach style, and I know the first two weeks are going to be rough. Coming down off all this sugar will be a b*tch, but I can do it. Hmph, I've done it a thousand times. Maybe something will click this time so I won't keep repeating this reckless behavior. I do care about myself. I do want to be a healthy individual. I do want to go kayaking...someday.

I made my veggie quiche cups (from the original SB book) and bought my string cheese. Being prepared is the most important thing for me. And now that we work from 7:30am to 4pm the day is long, long, long for a snacker like me. I'll be getting back to riding, too. Yep, it's hot out, but I sweat anyway so why not ride?

A few years ago I started knitting a sock. The other day I found it in my knitting projects bag (you know, every knitter has several unfinished objects going at one time :-)) and I'm working on finishing it. Gives me something to do with my hands besides stuff my face.

Hope you have a wonderful week. And don't forget to drink your water.

You know you're out of shape when...

You throw your back out giving yourself a pedicure! That's what I did today. All was fine when I got up. Then I looked at my pitiful looking toes and went to work on making them pretty. I propped my foot up on the bathroom vanity and stayed that way while clipping, filing, polishing, etc. Then when I went to put my foot down on the floor...Crap, my back just froze up and I could hardly move. So today I've been laying around, sitting around, popping some pills and that's about it. Not exactly what I had planned.

I'm in a better frame of mind, though. Thanks to all who offered support. I appreciate this caring group so much. I've been thinking that  I need to find some creative ways to spend my time. Maybe starting an art journal or a photo blog. Or I might change the name of this blog and just mix it up. Who knows. I just know I need to be creative. I used to draw and write a lot and I want to get back to it.

Hope you have a great weekend. Take care.

What can I say?

eta: Sorry, this is kind of a downer post. Feel free to move on to another blog.

I don't even know what to say. I've been on vacation from work for the last two weeks and I seem to have checked out completely. I'm bored with focusing on losing weight. I'm depressed and blamed it on lack of carbs. It's so freakin' hot that just thinking of exercise makes me sweat. I'm drinking lots of coffee. Having lots of hot flashes. Nothing seems interesting. I've been reading blogs and wishing I was there.

I liked doing low carb, but I cut back my calories too much. I'm so sick of feeling like my whole life is about what I can't eat or what I should eat. I feel lonely and sad most days and it's my own fault. When you put up a wall, people tend to stay away. I'm not sure of anything any more.

Going back to work tomorrow will bring structure back to my day. Maybe I can get a grip. I do want to be healthy. I'm just tired of always feeling like I'll never there.

Something New

Sometimes the routine of it all can get you down. So, today I decided to try something different. Here in the big city of Houston we have something called Urban Harvest Farmers Market which offers locally-produced veggies, fruits, and farm products. They are open every Saturday from 8am to noon, rain or shine.

I had such a great time and bought some good stuff. This will become a regular thing for me, for sure. Not only were there fruits and veggies, but there was fresh bread (which I avoided since I'm low-carbing it), local honey, a coffee bar, fresh juice, live music, and a restaurant preparing a recipe with local food for you to taste. If I'd brought more cash with me, I'd have spent it all!

Here's my loot!

Last week we had tons of rain. I got in a few bike rides and two weight training workouts. It looks like the scale doesn't want to move this week, bummer. I haven't been very hungry, which is a good thing, but I think I'm not eating enough calories. My hypothyroid-lack-o-metabolism-body just might be staging a coo. Whatever, I'll win in the end :)

Have a great weekend. Drink some water, 'k?

eta: sorry for the little pictures, I shot these with my iphone and sent them too small, me thinks ;)

Happy 4th, Ya'll!

I hope you have a safe and happy 4th!

Filled with whatever makes you happy!

Rain? Meh.

Why do older people have to talk about body functions and boo-boos? My mom (she's 76) is always talking about things I'd rather not hear about, like how many times she's pooped in a day or not pooped, whichever the case may be. Today she decided I needed to know about some bug bite or whatever, that she discovered and how she had to handle it (I'll spare you the details) and then wanted me to look at it. Gross. I thought after my son grew up I wouldn't have to look at any more boo-boos. Ah, well, she's a spark in the daily gases, what can I say!

Anyway, Tuesdays are my riding days and after I got home from work I took off. I knew there were clouds overhead, but they looked tame and lately they've been crying wolf...a lot. So, six miles into my ride, it starts to rain a little and I kept riding a bit. It's hard to see when rain spatters on your glasses, though, so I headed home. About the time I got home, I heard some thunder and saw a little lightening so that was that. Would you like to know it barely sprinkled at my house. But lightening is not something to play with, so I think I made the right choice even if my ride was cut short today.

I took my car to get it inspected today. I had already been told by the dealership that I needed some oxygen blah-blah-thingy and it would have to be replaced for it to pass the emissions test. I decided to get a second opinion and even though the diagnosis was the same, the price was better and I got a discount because a lot of people from work take their cars there. Awesome! Now my little bugger is all fixed up, sticker in place and  the engine light is no longer on. Yay!

Training my replacement at work is going okay. I'm still nervous about my new position but I'm staying positive and only have a small crick in my neck :) Change is just so, so...unexpected sometimes.

Take care and don't forget to drink your water.

Monday Morning Quickie

Just a quick post this morning since I've fiddled around this morning and only have a few minutes before I'm out the door. Last week I worked out Monday, Wednesday, and Friday on the weight machines and rode my bike on the days I didn't work out. I'm feeling a difference in my overall strength even though it's still early in this new phase of my plan. I see how strength training can become addictive. You feel strong and that's a good feeling.

I met Roxie for lunch at Fadi's on Saturday! I know you wish you'd been there. We had such a wonderful visit. She is as wonderful in person as she is on her blog. She has unknowingly been a sort of life coach to me over the last couple of years that I've been reading her blog Gravel and Rust. Roxie, I'm looking forward to going for a ride soon!

The low carb thing is still working for me. This week I lost 2 more pounds. While it's not falling off me, at least it's coming off. With it being so hot outside and my internal furnace keeping me hot ALL the time, why not go ahead and work it till ya sweat?!

Make it an awesome week and don't forget...drink your water!

Yep, it's Summer alright.

Today is the first day of Summer. Really? I think in Texas, the first day of Summer is more like the whole month of June, not just one day. It's been hot. Very hot, for the last few days. I went for a ride last night and it was 91 degrees at 7:30pm. Still, it was a nice evening for a ride.

Saturday, I had some errands to run and while I was out I thought I'd stop at Smoothie King and get a low-carb smoothie. So, I go in and the guy greets me with a nice hello and can I help you. I tell him I'd like whatever he has that's low, low carb. Zip carb, to be exact. Well, Mr. Smartee Pants practically rolls his eyes and says "well the carbs you'll get from fruit are good carbs. Carbs your body needs." So, I said, but I don't want any carbs today, what can you make me? And again, he gives me attitude. Says "I can make you something with just powder and water but it won't taste as good as something else I have in mind." Really? So I said, guess you don't have what I want, so forget it. There was a look of shock on his innocent little face just before I turned to walk out. I mean, I knew what I wanted and he just wasn't interested in making it. I drink a plain vanilla protein shake every day and I Like It. Was Mr. Smartee Pants trying to impress me with his nutritional knowledge? Well, I was not impressed.

Saw this cute sign while out running errands. I love it!

Right after I left there, my mom called and wanted to go to Luby's (a cafeteria style place) so I headed over to meet her. I had some delicious roast turkey and some cabbage. After we ate, we went to a little place called tasti D lite. I'd never been and was feeling like I wanted a little treat. They offer a guilt-free frozen treat that range in calories from 70 to 100 with an average carb count of 12. It's a cute little place and the treat was just enough to satisfy. I had the maple flavor. Yumm.

The low carb thing is going great. I lost 2.2 lbs this week - Yay! Rode a total of 39 miles for the week and got in two workouts in the weight room. Finally, something has clicked and I'm determined to get fit and live well. 

Make it a great week and don't forget to drink your water. Ride if you can.

Two Flats and Stupid Head Tricks

Isn't it strange how when you get on board with something, stuff happens to try and knock you off track? Last week I began my hard-butt diligent quest for fitness by committing to working out at the school weight room and riding my bike (Nellie) for longer rides. Things went great Monday with strength training leaving me with noodle arms, but I didn't care.

Tuesday, I went for my ride and after 16 minutes I hear a loud HISS and realize my front tire is going flat as a pancake. This Tuesday happened to be heavy trash pickup in our neighborhood and there is always crap in the street. I looked down and saw a mine field of glass. C'mon people, heard of recycling that stuff?

So, I walked Nellie home and got Sydney and went for a walk. Determined to get in my exercise quota, I wasn't letting a flat stop me!

Wednesday, they decided to do some work on some pipes at the school. That meant there would be no a/c in the weight room after noon. Who cares, right? I mean you're gonna sweat anyway, eh? So, I go to work out and guess who is in there? The head of the school. He's an okay guy (sometimes) but I felt a little awkward, to say the least. But, whatever. I came to work out...and I did.

Thursday, I took my tire to the bike shop and got a new tube put in. The guy said there was a little chunk of tire missing, but it would probably last for awhile. Got home, put the tire back on Nellie, and we were off. Had a very nice ride (53 minutes) even though it was hot as blazes.

Friday, I decided to skip the strength training because I didn't want to work out with you-know-who. Apparently, he works out up there quite often. So, I went home to ride my bike. Rode for 44 minutes and then my front tire went flat - again. Crap. Double Crap. I knew I should have just bought a new friggin tire. Why do we not listen to that still, small, voice in us? Oh, and I've decided to work out regardless of who is in the weight room. I realize now that I deserve to be there just as much as anyone else.

So, here it is Saturday, and I'm going to the bike shop to get a new tire. I really need to learn how to change a flat myself. I'm going to go to one of the classes they offer so I can get some practice with someone who knows what they're doing. If you ride, and I know there are a lot of you now - Woo Hoo! be prepared! Don't get stranded far from home with a flat. I ride very close to home and the farthest I've had to walk my bike is a mile, but that was tough. You can carry and extra tube with you and they make very small hand pumps.

Now, on to the stupid head tricks. I signed up for Facebook (again) but I don't know that many people so it's really a waste for me. Anyway, I decided to look up my ex. Much to my despise, he's still alive and has a life. Why I've been thinking about a person who caused me so much pain and heartache, I don't know. It's been years since he left my life (and my son's life) and yet I can still let him make me feel like shit. Too, bad, there's not a way to wipe only the bad memories out of your head. Instead, I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday unless I write it down.

Have a good weekend. Be prepared. Don't dwell on the past. And, don't forget to drink your water. (sorry, Roxie, I'm kinda copying you today!)

Noodle Arms

I have noodle arms. Much like noodle legs - only it's my arms. I can hardly type. So if there are any typos in this post, let me just apologize now :) I worked out on the weight machines today at the school. I had the weight room to myself which was nice - no one to hear me grunting and crying groaning. A friend at work wrote out for me which machines to do and the order to them, along with how much weight and how many reps. By my third round I could barely lift my arms. But I.don't.care. I'm ready for some serious physical exercise, and I mean it, lol.

I lost 3.4 lbs last week - Yay! The low carb thing is paying off. I'm not really tired. I do think I'm not eating enough because my calorie counts have been below range most days. I'm having trouble planning my meals. It's hard for me to just eat meat and small amounts of veggies. Which amounts to mostly lettuce. But one more week of this really low carb and then I'll add a few more veggies back in and see what happens.

My plan is to ride my bike 5 days this week and do the weights 3 days. It was hard - doing the machines - but this is something I need to do and I'm going to keep at it. The best part is it's not costing me a dime :)

Have a great week! And don't forget to drink your water!

It's The Low Carb Life For Me

This week there have been no special events at home or work to cause me to eat off plan. I'm happy about that. I've been really good about logging my food in at myfitnesspal.com and I think that is helping keep me focused. And since I love to see other peoples food pics, I thought I'd post mine from yesterday.

Breakfast:  Better-N-Eggs with a few slices of Hormel Turkey Pepperoni and a little Parmesan cheese.

Snack:  Tuna salad (tuna in water, egg, mayo) and Pork Skins (I know, but I needed crunch)

Lots of this stuff! In my Tervis Tumbler :D

Lunch: Turkey (very lean) and veggies.

Dinner was tuna salad stuffed in a red bell pepper. Really good! So good, I ate it before taking a picture :)

Things at work are changing. They've decided to rearrange my job, which is fine, I guess. I'm getting rid of the freakin' calendar (yay) but moving from my pretty office with a big window, to an office with no window. I'll be more involved with students and parents (could be a plus or not). Overall, I'm sure it will be fine, but for now there's the stress of getting things done and learning new things. Hey, isn't that what keeps life interesting?

Keep drinking that water! Some of you are making me proud :D

Have a great weekend!